January 13th 2010

Longtime "American Idol" judge Simon Cowell announced he’ll be leaving the popular Fox talent show at the end of the season. In a way, I’m kind of happy. I don’t think I want to see Simon’s nipples when 3D TV arrives.

Southwest Airlines tops the list of the best places to work, especially if you are a pilot; I’ve heard they let you drink at work.

Former homerun king Mark McGwire finally admitted yesterday that he used steroids for almost a decade. Wow, that is almost as shocking as Adam Lambert’s admission that he was gay!

Mark McGwire finally admitted yesterday that he used steroids for almost a decade. Other players suspected of taking steroids got a little nervous; for instance, Sammy Sosa went pale!

Mark McGwire finally admitted yesterday that he used steroids for almost a decade. Apparently, he knew the truth was going to come out, especially with the new body scanners, everybody will know how shrunk his testicles are.

Former NBA star Jayson Williams has pleaded guilty to aggravated assault and agreed to serve at least 18 months in prison. He would rather spend some time locked up than having to go back and play for the New Jersey Nets.

Today is Rush Limbaugh’s birthday. I guess we know which wish he is going to ask for before blowing the candles.

Fox signed Sarah Palin. I thought they had already found a replacement for Paula Abdul.

Sarah Palin signed a multi-year deal to be a contributor to Fox News. And today the sales of DVR’s went to the roof; every comedian in America bought one.

Fox News signed Sarah Palin. She is expected to start next month, and quit soon afterwards.

Sarah Palin believed that Sen. John McCain chose her to be his running mate in 2008 because of "God's plan.” Apparently, God is heavy into comedy.

A new book revealed that people inside the McCain campaign, including the senator, thought that Sarah Palin was dumb and mentally unstable. And now we know why Fox News hired her.

The elderly in Scotland are burning books to stay warm during the cold weather. Ironically, they are burning copies of Al Gore’s “The Inconvenient Truth.”

An explosive new book about the 2008 U.S. presidential campaign alleges that former president Bill Clinton once said that president Obama would have been serving them coffee a couple of years before... unlike now that we have Latinos for that.

According to a recent study, it would take nine hours of vigorous sex to burn off the calories of six chicken McNuggets. Now, the problem is trying to convince your girl to have sex after taking her for a date to McDonalds.

Fox announced that the show "Glee" has been picked up for a second season. Finally a smile on Ryan Seacrest’s face after the devastating news that Simon Cowell was leaving American Idol.

Longtime "American Idol" judge Simon Cowell announced he’ll be leaving the popular Fox talent show at the end of the season. Apparently, he wanted to spend more time criticizing his family.