January 8th 2010

According to a book written by one of Bin Laden’s sons, Osama banned laughter in his home. Apparently, the only show the family was allowed to watch was The Carson Daily Show.

According to a book written by one of Bin Laden’s sons, his dad tested poison gas on their family pets. It is a pity we can’t find him, because I’m sure the Philadelphia Eagles might want to sign him.

Gilbert Arenas has been suspended indefinitely from professional basketball. So maybe he can play for the New Jersey Nets now.

Hanesbrands has ended its advertising campaign featuring Charlie Sheen. They already have new people in mind: Tiger Woods and the Underwear bomber!

Hanesbrands has ended its advertising campaign featuring Charlie Sheen because of domestic violence charges filed against the actor. I don’t think the advertising agency got it, because they immediately thought of Chris Brown as a replacement.

The White House is mad at PETA for using the image of Michelle Obama in an anti-fur advertisement without her permission. PETA officials claim they thought she wouldn’t have any problem because we all know how much she hates Bush.

Temperatures are dropping all over the country. It is so cold, Gilbert Arenas is not pulling his guns anymore because he doesn’t want to take his hands out of his pockets. Nobody is travelling anymore. You know how embarrassing a body scan is with such a cold weather?

The U.S. government is using $25 million in stimulus money to buy and install full body scanners in airports this year. How ironic; they are using money from the stimulus package, to see yours.

A new study from the University of Alberta in Canada has found that having a mean gym teacher in school can turn people off of physical fitness for life. I don’t know about that, but I heard having a female gym teacher in school can turn women off men for life.