December 5th 2009

A new rule will bar pro football players who show significant signs of head injuries from returning to games and practice. I hope they don’t do the same with golf, otherwise Tiger is screwed.

Three Secret Service officers have been put on administrative leave after the security breach at last week's White House dinner. The White House should have seen this coming especially because these three guys’ prior task was to control the border with Mexico.

President Obama and his family lit the national Christmas tree at the White House yesterday. Obama said they will continue with their policy of recycling and after Christmas they will use that tree to make paper and use that paper to print more money and to add more pages to the Health Care Bill.

Rolling Stones guitarist Ron Wood was arrested on suspicion of domestic assault Wednesday night. Apparently, he thought he needed to protect the legacy of the “Wood” name…

President Obama's illegal immigrant aunt says she hasn't had contact with him since his inauguration. Well, she can come unannounced to the next White House Party.

According to an internal memo, one of Sarah Palin’s demands for her book-signing appearance at the Mall of America was no foreign press allowed. And by foreign press she meant everybody but Fox News.

An inmate had to have a five-inch shank surgically removed from his rectum. Guards suspected there was something wrong when they caught him opening an envelope with his ass.

According to a recent study, young adults who are fit have a higher IQ and are more likely to go on to university. Ohhh, that’s why football players pass without taking the tests; they don’t need it.

Most people find Tiger Woods guilty for ruining such a beautiful family. The only one, so far, ready to pardon him is Mike Huckabee.

Police in Texas seized a batch of ecstasy pills that are shaped like Barack Obama’s head. Maybe Obama can give it to his ratings so they get a little high.

Police in Texas seized a batch of ecstasy pills that are shaped like Barack Obama’s head. That’s the only way Rush Limbaugh can swallow him.

A selection posted on the Myspace website in the name of the Vatican includes a track from rapper Tupac Shakur. Now I understand why the Vatican loves gold so much…

A selection posted on the Myspace website in the name of the Vatican includes a track from rapper Tupac Shakur. Myspace? As usual, the Vatican is centuries behind in time…

Roman Polanski was released from a prison and put under house arrest. Perfect. Right in time to answer some of the letters kids send Santa for Christmas.

P. Diddy's Twitter account was hacked this week. No Diddy, it is not called hacking, it is called sampling!

Susan Boyle's album is set to pass the one-million mark in the U.S. Experts believe the Twilight craze helped, because a lot of people wrongly think they can use her picture on the cover of the album to scare off vampires.