November 27th 2009

Ratings below 50%, the unemployment over 10%, the dollar falling, Palin’s new book.. I guess it was tough for Obama to be thankful for anything this thanksgiving.

President Obama selected the Prime Minister of India to be his guest at his first state dinner tonight. The choice wasn’t difficult; apparently Malia’s laptop keeps crashing.

Arnold Schwarzenegger was photographed parking his Porsche in an emergency vehicle zone. He later said there was nothing illegal about it because he is the governor of California which is in a state of emergency.

Arnold Schwarzenegger was photographed parking his Porsche in an emergency vehicle zone. Fortunately Maria Shriver called later from his cell-phone while driving her kids to school to apologize on behalf of her husband.

A Saudi Arabian version of Comedy Central is in the works. I don’t know, I think most jokes will bomb.

Adam Lambert kissed his keyboard player during his performance at the American Music Awards. And today Ryan Seacrest started some piano lessons.

Adam Lambert is catching some slack for kissing a man during his performance at the Music Awards. Who’s the lucky one now? Kris Allen could kiss, grab, do the 360, the 180 with a guy and nobody would care.

An Australian man claims a kangaroo attempted to drown his dog. And now the Eagles want to hire the kangaroo to play as a runner for them.

Researchers in Israel have discovered that low-intensity shockwaves can be used to treat erectile dysfunction. Be sure the intensity of the shockwaves is low, otherwise your entire body will go stiff.

Lady Gaga sent 80 pizzas to fans waiting for her appearance at a Best Buy in L.A. Ironically the one delivering the pizzas was Kris Allen, the last winner of American Idol.

A new study by the National Bureau of Economic Research has found that when an NFL game ends in an upset, there's an 8% increase in domestic violence in the home state of the losing team. So for the women in Detroit, and Cleveland, just move out of the house every Sunday and you’ll be safe.

A couple in Sidney Australia had sex in clock tower in the middle of a busy shopping center. You sure want to have sex with your partner next to a gigantic clock and remind her you can only last 30 seconds?
Yesterday was thanksgiving a day to be thankful:
for not playing keyboards in Adam Lambert’s band.
For not being Sarah Palin’s ghost writerFor not having to see Jon&Kate Plus 8 anymore.
For not having to drive by Biden’s motorcade.
For not having your daughter working as an intern for David Letterman

President Obama is scheduled to pardon a turkey this week, and today Bernie Madoff was overheard saying “gobble gobble, gobble gobble.”

Susan Boyle performed on the "Today" show yesterday. It didn’t sound as good as usual. Apparently not a single keyboardist dared play with her thinking she might pull an Adam Lambert and kiss him.

A man in China allows women to vent their frustrations by humiliating and beating him for $20. I got to learn from this man, my wife has been doing that for years and for FREE.

A man believed to be in a coma for 23 years, heard everything during all those years but couldn’t respond. It just sounds like my marriage….

A suspect was caught by the patrol dashboard camera eating incriminating evidence. Funny, he was being arrested for touching somebody’s privates.

In a recent study, researchers have figured out that the optimum amount of time for sexual intercourse is three to 13 minutes. I hope that includes eating the pizza and watching the ESPN headlines…

According to a survey by the Pew Global Attitudes, six in 10 Mexicans believe life is better in the United States. The other 4 work for Lou Dobbs.