november 12th 2009

Police charged a United Airlines pilot on suspicion of being drunk as he was about to help fly a passenger plane from Heathrow Airport. The pilot admitted he was drunk but said he was going to sleep it off during the flight.

Police charged a United Airlines pilot on suspicion of being drunk as he was about to help fly a passenger plane from Heathrow Airport. I don’t think the pilot understands he’s got a problem, because when his friends suggested going to AA meetings, he said that American Airlines was not going to hire him.

A deer was killed when it jumped into the lion’s den at the National Zoo in Washington this weekend in front of dozens spectators. They were really disappointed; especially the next day when they came for the same show and found out everything had been just an accident.

New research found that teenagers who take part in team sports may have a higher risk of drug and alcohol abuse. Well, they have to be ready in case they become pro-athletes.

The hugely anticipated “Call of Duty, Modern Warfare 2” video game went on sale on Tuesday. Unfortunately, most Democrats were disappointed with the game when they found out the war in the game wasn’t between Fox and the Obama administration.

Thousands of people waited for hours in line to get their hands on the new “Call of Duty, Modern Warfare 2” video game. It’s not like they have much to do, most of them are unemployed.

As a holiday gift to weary travelers, Google is offering free Wi-Fi at 47 airports from now through January 15th, 2010. Because that is exactly what we need, more pilots distracted looking at porn in their laptops.

After 40 years, Steven Tyler may be leaving Aerosmith. Apparently, the main complaint among the members of the band is that the dude looks like an old lady.

The Democrats' health care bill will provide insurance to 96% of Americans. Apparently, the death panels will take care the other 4%.

More than one million strollers have been recalled because babies are losing their fingers in them. Madonna is concerned; what if his boyfriend Jesus loses his fingers? Where is she going to put the ring?

A British lobbying group has criticized a fire department for spending six hours on the rescue of a pet duck trapped in a pond's overflow pipe. The group settled after the firefighters decided to share their Duck a L'orange with them.

Glenn Beck had an emergency appendectomy this week. Doctors didn’t need to do much during the operation; the appendix couldn’t wait to run away from Glen Beck.

The female astronaut who drove to Florida in a diaper was sentenced to two days in jail. When asked if she was satisfied with the sentence she replied, “it depends”

George Lopez' new show premiered Monday. His audience consists mostly of Latinos, because once again Latinos are doing the jobs Americans don’t want to do.

Dina Lohan says Lindsay was dating Heath Ledger when he died. And today police ruled Ledger’s death as a suicide.