November 10th 2009

Rep. Anh "Joseph" Cao, of Louisiana, was the only Republican congressman that voted in favor of the Health Care reform bill on Saturday. He’ll need the Health Care bill more than ever now, because Fox News and the rest of the Republican Party are going to beat the heck out of him.

Congress passed a landmark health care legislation Saturday night. It was shocking; Congress working on Saturday night?

Congress passed a landmark health care legislation Saturday night. It was quite awkward when Pelosi said last call for voting, and a few congressmen asked for scotch, martini and bourbon.

Maria Shriver had a birthday on Friday. She is now 54… lbs…

Maria Shriver had a birthday on Friday. And if you want to get her something useful, you cannot fail with a blue tooth.

On Friday, Tyra Banks had a woman with two vaginas on her show. It just gives me the chill to think of how annoying she could be that time of the month!

An American woman suffered a sudden attack of amnesia after having sex with her husband. That’s why I always tell my dates we need to film everything.

An American woman suffered a sudden attack of amnesia after having sex with her husband… unlike my wife who keeps reminding me that we don’t need to do it today because we did it last month.

An American woman suffered a sudden attack of amnesia after having sex with her husband. That’s a lucky, lucky man.

A man in China is auctioning 5,000 condoms from the 2008 Olympics. Great, I’ll buy them and I’m covered for the weekend.

A man in China is auctioning 5,000 condoms from the 2008 Olympics. 5,000 Chinese condoms… perfect; I combine all of them and make one my size.

A woman is going to give birth live online. The baby is expected to be born after 8 months, 2 weeks and 3 minutes of buffering.

Sammy Sosa's skin appears to have lightened considerably because of the use of steroids. Actually, people don’t know this, but Mark McGwire used to be as black as Morgan Freeman.

Sammy Sosa's skin appears to have lightened considerably because of the use of steroids. The skin color didn’t change much, but the fact that steroids shrink your junk gives you the illusion that he looks whiter.

Sammy Sosa's skin appears to have lightened considerably because of the use of steroids. And today Republicans started putting steroids in their kids’ breakfast.

Thieves in Florida stole 90 bras from a Victoria's Secret store. Police are confident they'll solve the case because the thieves were just a bunch of boobs.