November 7th 2009

A baby missing for five days in Florida was found alive and well under her baby sitter's bed. Immediately after that, the baby said his first words: “We did it for the show!”

A baby missing for five days in Florida was found alive and well under her baby sitter's bed. Apparently, the new problem now is that every time a kid goes missing police looks up in the sky for a balloon.

President Obama hosted an event at the White House this week celebrating classical music. Unfortunately, the orchestra picked up the mood at the White House and played a requiem.

President Obama said during a speech that one day Malia got a 73 on her science test, but after he and Michelle sat down with her to talk about it, she improved and brought a 95 in the test. So if Michelle and Obama are so good, why don’t they sit down and have a chat with the members of congress.

A woman in Australia discovered right after she got married that she was allergic to her husband’s sperm. It is not that uncommon; it happens very often after getting married.

A woman in Australia discovered right after she got married that she was allergic to her husband’s sperm. It is not that uncommon; a lot of people are allergic to nuts.

There's a resort in Austria where you can swim in a pool of beer. And since it is light beer, you can also take a leak in the pool and nobody would notice the difference.

The Chinese government has approved construction of a Shanghai Disneyland. It’ll be quite similar to Disneyland in America; they only difference is that Goofy will be served in their restaurants.

A new study says that kissing may have developed as a way for a woman to build immunity from a virus called cytomegalovirus, which is present in saliva. In other news, Susan Boyle is suffering from cytomegalovirus.

A leaked copy of Palin’s victory speech had she won the 2009 elections surfaced this week. It reads: “nanana nanaaaana!”

Verne Troyer's, former girlfriend has gotten a temporary restraining order against him that prohibits him from being within 150 yards of her. And that in Verne’s measurements is like being in another state.

Lady Gaga says the ultimate accessory is a condom. And if you are going to go out with her, the second most important accessory is ear plugs.

Senate Democrats have blocked a GOP attempt to require next year's census forms to ask people whether they are a U.S. citizen. Apparently, Democrats were concerned that Obama may answer NO.

Senate Democrats have blocked a GOP attempt to require next year's census forms to ask people whether they are a U.S. citizen. Apparently, Democrats were concerned the population of California may turn out to be 2.

A Detroit UPS driver was fired for opening and refusing to deliver a package that contained four pounds of marijuana. No wonder the Detroit Lions didn’t do well in their last game.