November 13th 2009

Did you hear about Carrie Prejean’s sex tape? Apparently, there's a video of her taking care of herself... which proves what we all suspected, that she is a strong Bush supporter! Actually, she now claims she did the video because Miss America organizers told her to go screw herself.

Longtime CNN host Lou Dobbs shocked his viewers Wednesday by announcing that he would be leaving the network effective immediately. You know that he doesn’t like minorities and, judging by the latest CNN’s ratings, CNN could be consider one.

Longtime CNN host Lou Dobbs quit his show last night. Imagine how he is going to feel when he finds out he’ll be replaced by Carlos Mencia!

President Obama is visiting China. Apparently, he is just going there to reassure them that he is taking good care of their country, the US.

A new study shows that seniors should walk quickly, not slowly, for optimum cardiovascular health. That’s why I started telling grandpa to hurry up because Obama’s death panels were in the area.

Hundreds of New Yorkers applied to be "ambassadors" at Charmin's Times Square restrooms, where they will earn $10,000 for six weeks of work. So far, the one with more chances to get the job is Larry Craig, who offered to do it for free.

Hundreds of New Yorkers applied to be "ambassadors" at Charmin's Times Square restrooms, where they will earn $10,000 for six weeks of work. Mmm… sorry but this smells like a load of crap.

Police charged a United Airlines pilot on suspicion of being drunk. His name: Captain Morgan.

Cuba has ordered its people to adopt "extreme measures" to cut energy usage through the end of the year. This is the end of Fidel Castro, because the only thing that uses energy in Cuba is his respiratory machine.

Hollywood actress Jane Fonda said in an interview that her sex life at 71 is better than ever, despite her metal hip and spinal surgery. Apparently, that is how she broke her hip, doing it at 71.

According to beautifulpeople.com, the ugliest women in the world are in Germany. Now you know why they drink so much beer there.

A judge ruled that a quadriplegic can mount a gun to his wheelchair and shoot his gun by blowing through a tube. I just hope he doesn’t catch a cold and start coughing and sneezing, or this could be a disaster.

A judge ruled that a quadriplegic can mount a gun to his wheelchair and shoot his gun by blowing through a tube. Hopefully, nobody shows him any porn and he gets agitated because it could end up in a disaster.