November 19th 2009

CNN reported that 71 was the number of cars in President Barack Obama's motorcade as he traveled from the Beijing airport. Apparently, Obama took the Health Care bill with him to show it to the Chinese.

CNN reported that 71 was the number of cars in President Barack Obama's motorcade as he traveled from the Beijing airport. Apparently, Obama took all the receipts for the things China have been buying in the U.S. with him.

Sarah Palin told Oprah that Levi Johnston is welcomed at her house for Thanksgiving. Apparently, Palin can’t wait to carve a huge turkey that day.

Sarah Palin told Oprah that 'She's not retreating; she's reloading.’ So now we know what to do in 2012: “duck and cover!”

Breaking news! 4 men had to be hospitalized today with a severe case of depression. Apparently, those were the men in charge of close caption for the Sarah Palin’s interview with Oprah and Barbara Walters.

NBC is producing a new show about a magician who uses his powers to fight crime… because only a magician can generate some ratings in NBC.

Teenagers from a Spanish region called Extremadura are being taught the "art" of masturbation. The course opens with a seminar given by Professor Carrie Prejan.

Teenagers from a Spanish region called Extremadura are being taught the "art" of masturbation. It is a fun course; I have been practicing online for years!

Teenagers from a Spanish region called Extremadura are being taught the "art" of masturbation. Ironically, for those who are not acquainted with Spanish, Extremadura means: Extremely Hard.

During a speech at the Mizner Park Amphitheater in Palm Beach Florida, Al Gore was introduced as “The president of the planet.” Unfortunately, the planet was Uranus.

During a speech at the Mizner Park Amphitheater in Palm Beach Florida, Al Gore was introduced as “The president of the planet”. Unfortunately for Al Gore, 5 minutes later they did a recount and he lost.

100 protesters gathered at the Mizner Park Amphitheater in Palm Beach Florida for Al Gore’s speech. They were loud and yelled at Gore, but 5 minutes into the speech they all went silent. Actually, you could now hear some snoring.

"New Moon" premiered last night. It is the movie about a bunch of vampires from a town called Forks. What I don’t get is how it is that these Vampires all look good, shaved and combed? If you’re a real vampire, shouldn’t you look like a mess, scruffy, with razor cuts? A true vampire can’t see their reflection in the mirror…

According to a new study, texting can cause pain in your neck. Especially if you are texting while driving and you crash!

According to a new study, texting can cause pain in your neck, especially if your wife catches you texting the hot chick that works in Hooters and smacks you across your face.

The New York Post reported that CNN was sick of Lou Dobbs and gave him an $8 million severance package to leave. Unfortunately for Dobbs, it was 8 million pesos.

The New York Post reported that CNN was sick of Lou Dobbs and gave him an $8 million severance package to leave. Apparently, CNN employees were tired that the garden looked like crap because Dobbs would refuse to hire any Mexicans.

A Chinese artist has unveiled a "Burning Man Obama" sculpture which depicts President Obama on fire. Or you can wait just a week and get the real Obama burning after leaving the interview with Fox.

Universal Pictures edited the black couple out of the British version of the movie poster for "couples retreat". Maybe if they had edited out Vince Vaughn the movie would have done much better at the box office.