January 5th 2010

HAPPY 2010!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rush Limbaugh was taken to a hospital with chest pains while vacationing in Hawaii. Apparently, when he heard he was going to get lei there, he stuffed himself with Viagra.

Rush Limbaugh was taken to a hospital with chest pains while vacationing in Hawaii. Apparently, he got really agitated when he took a look at Obama’s birth certificate confirming he was born there.

President Obama was in Hawaii when Rush Limbaugh was taken to a hospital with chest pains while vacationing there. The president was sympathetic, and immediately offered to send him Michael Jackson’s doctor.

The end of 2009 looked quite optimistic for president Obama. The Senate passed the Health Care Bill, jobless claims fell, and Rush had a heart attack! Not bad… not bad…

Scientists found a deep hole on the moon that could be suitable for a colony. I don’t want to be rude but I heard Uranus hole could fit the entire state of California.

Gilbert Arenas and Javaris Crittenton of the Washington Wizards drew guns on each other during a confrontation in the locker room. No big deal; if they shoot like they do during the games, chances are nothing will happen to any of them.

Two Washington Wizards players drew their pistols in the locker room. And as you can imagine several groupies got pregnant.

According to the Obama administration, the White House received more than 25,000 visits since Obama became president. And 24,980 of those visits belong to the Salahi’s.

Teens between 16 and 18 will need adult supervision if they want to use a tanning bed. I don’t think there’s going to be any problem finding an adult willing to accompany any young hot teenager wearing a bikini.

AT&T has dropped Tiger Woods as a spokesman. He wasn’t good for business anymore. Would you use AT&T knowing that more than 300 text messages and a phone call can cost you a fortune?

Charlie Sheen was arrested on domestic abuse charges in Colorado after allegedly threatening his wife with a knife. Now we finally know who the half man in his TV series is.

Charlie Sheen was arrested on domestic abuse charges in Colorado on Christmas day, after allegedly threatening his wife with a knife. Apparently, he got really mad when he opened his Christmas presents and discovered he had gotten underwear again.

After the Charlie Sheen incident, Hanes has released a new line of underwear. The new briefs come with extra padding in the crotch to compensate for the lack of balls.

During Christmas day, a Nigerian man tried to blow up a Northwest flight with explosives hidden in his underwear. He was discovered by a Dutch passenger who suspected there was a bomb in this guy’s underpants because nobody would be happy to be in a Northwest flight.

During Christmas day, a Nigerian man tried to blow up a Northwest flight with explosives hidden in his underwear. Who would have thought that underwear on fire would have made people forget about Tiger Woods for a while?

PETA has named Ellen DeGeneres Woman Of The Year. Apparently they took into account the love, protection and caring the female host has for every beaver in the world.

Elton John is helping Eminem battle drug problems. It works, when Elton John is around, you don’t dare get any blow.

The world's tallest building opened today in Dubai. There were two long lines of visitors. Those who wanted to appreciate the view from such a height, and those who wanted to jump because they lost all their money in the market.

Elin Nordegren turned 30 on January 1st. She didn’t want a cake; apparently she was afraid a woman would come out of it claiming to have had an affair with Tiger.

2010 is the Year of the Tiger. Coincidentally that’s the number of women claiming to have had affairs with Tiger Woods.

A guy from New York with the world's longest junk is unemployed. I just hope he doesn’t get a job in public office, because getting screwed by this guy can really hurt.

Scientists find a deep hole on the moon that could be suitable for a colony. I don’t want to be rude but I heard Uranus hole could be fit the entire state of California.