December 8th 2009

Tiger Woods has reportedly offered his wife $80 million for them to remain together for another six years. Wait, didn’t Eliot Spitzer lose his job for paying a woman to spend time with him?

One of Tiger’s mistresses, Mindy Lawton, claims to have had a year-long affair with Tiger Woods and revealed that Tiger is "very well endowed". I guess we now know which is his black half.

Did you hear that Tiger’s wife is considering getting a caddy? Yeah, to carry her golf clubs and Tiger’s balls.

Tiger Woods asked a waitress to change the message of her phone in case his wife called her. Apparently, the message was: “Hi, this is Jamiee Grubbs, one of Tiger’s sluts. Please leave a message.”

Tiger Woods is considering an invitation to appear on the sofa of the Oprah Winfrey show, especially because it is a comfy one to crash for a while until his wife calms down.

More mistresses are coming out of the WOODwork. Now there are already 6 women claiming to have had affairs with Tiger. Unfortunately for his wife, you know he won’t stop until he completes the 18 holes.

A U.S. consumer group contends that the Zhu Zhu Pets hamsters are unsafe. Apparently, there have been reports of parents that got injured after they told their kids they couldn’t get one for Christmas.

A U.S. consumer group contends that the Zhu Zhu Pets hamsters are unsafe. Apparently, there have been reports of parents that got injured fighting with each other to buy the remaining ones for their kids.

The New Jersey Nets won for the first time this season, ending the worst start in NBA history at 18 losses. Fans celebrated nonstop until they remembered they still live in New Jersey.

Adam Lambert will perform on "The View" later this week. It is going to be good for ratings; that show needs someone a little bit feminine besides Elisabeth Hasselbeck.

Adam Lambert will perform on "The View" later this week. I can’t wait for the fight between him and Elisabeth Hasselbeck. Not so much about gay rights, but she won’t let him steal all the time in the make-up room.

The House Homeland Security Committee Chairman said the White House state dinner could have ended in a "night of horror." Fortunately, organizers came to their senses and cancelled Biden’s speech.

California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger used a dramatic climate change map to demonstrate how global warming could ruin the state of California. But he said not to worry, by the time he’s done as governor, there will be nothing left to destroy.

Scientists in Canada, who were doing a study on pornography, couldn’t find a single man who hasn’t watched porn. They thought a blind person could be the answer, until they found out the reason why he went blind.

Scientists in England have created the world's smallest 'snowman', measuring about a fifth of the width of a human hair. Do you need any other evidence that global warming exists?

A woman gave birth to a baby boy on a Southwest Airlines flight from Chicago. And as soon as the plane landed, the airline made her pay an extra ticket for the baby.

Sarah Palin says it's fair to question the legitimacy of President Obama's birth. It would be fair to ask her some questions too, but she doesn’t let the media get near her.

The government found a new job for the secret service officers that let the couple into the White House. They are going to be assigned to protect the border with Mexico!!

U.S. Customs and Border Protection officials caught a guy smuggling a fully-cooked chicken stuffed with cocaine. A chicken full of cocaine? What was this guy doing with Amy Winehouse?