January 20th 2010

President Obama asked George W. Bush to help with relief efforts in Haiti. As if Haitians didn’t have enough suffering with the Earthquake.

David Blaine did street magic for 72 hours in New York City to raise money for Haiti. Actually, the one doing real magic for Haiti was Wyclef Jean; I’ve heard he made money disappear!

Yesterday was "Blue Monday," considered by many in the scientific community to be the worst day of the year. And today is blue Tuesday… if you are a Democrat in Massachusetts.

Yesterday was "Blue Monday," considered by many in the scientific community to be the worst day of the year, eEspecially if you are a Dallas or Arizona fan.

According to a recent study, one in ten Americans did not get enough sleep on any night in the past 30 days. Apparently, they didn’t go to see the latest Jackie Chan Movie.

Brett Favre sung “Pants on the ground” after Sunday’s victory. It should have been Tony Romo singing it; after all, his pants were the ones on the ground throughout the entire game.

Tomorrow is Obama’s first year anniversary as president. Remember when a year ago he promised change? He made that promise good, because a year ago, everybody was a Democrat and now…

Tomorrow is Obama’s first year anniversary as president. You can see the year took its toll on the President’s image; he went from black, to light skinned.

Republican Scott Brown won the elections in Massachusetts despite the fact that 20 years ago he was a nude model. Apparently, people voted for him anyway because, if this time we are gonna get screwed as usual, at least we’ll know with what.

According to a survey by the U.S. Census Bureau, the average American man between the ages of 15 and 44 has had sex with 5.4 partners. I have to thank Tiger for pushing the average up, because I can barely claim to have one partner.

A thief in Seattle died while he was trying to steal some guy’s wallet. Apparently, he needed the money to buy the farm.

A study by researchers at the University of California at Berkeley, determined that the hotter the woman is, the meaner she turns. And today I’d like to nominate Susan Boyle for the Nobel Peace Prize.

Glen Bell, who founded Taco Bell in 1962, has died at the age of 86, and to honor him, today there’s going to be a 21-fart salute.

Glen Bell, who founded Taco Bell in 1962, has died at the age of 86. He left a huge legacy: millions and millions of fat Americans.

New York City's skinniest house at less than ten feet wide has sold for $2.1 Million, probably bought by a fat celebrity that just wants to brag she can fit there.

A man in North Carolina celebrated his 77th birthday by biking 77 miles. Hopefully, he gets to be a 100 so he can finish the 77 miles.

President Bush praised Obama for his response to the situation in Haiti. Unfortunately, with the wrong choice of words: “Brownie you’re doing a heckuva job.”