January 14th 2010

Researchers say that watching hours of TV could shorten your lifespan. Now Democrats are saying they don’t want to broadcast the Health Care debate in CSpan because they want America to live longer.

Researchers say that watching hours of TV could shorten your lifespan, especially if you are an Obama supporter and you watch Fox News.

A new report found that people who consume the most alcohol in the world live in Ireland. The survey is said to be flawed because it was done the day David Hasselhoff was visiting.

Did you notice that this week Mark McGwire admitted taking steroids; Palin signed with Fox; Jayson Williams pleaded guilty? I think I know why they all used this time to break the news. Tonight show hosts are so busy pocking fun at each other in their monologues, that they don't have time to make jokes about anything else...

According to a research by the University of Oxford in England, having a big butt can help reduce the risk of heart disease, especially because of all the aerobics you do running from black athletes.

According to a research by the University of Oxford in England, having a big butt can help reduce the risk of heart disease. So now I believe Rush Limbaugh when he says his heart is very healthy, because he is such a big ass!

According to a research by the University of Oxford in England, having a big butt can help reduce the risk of heart disease. I guess the Kardashians will live to be a 120 then.

Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig issued a statement saying that use of steroids era is over. Manny Ramirez couldn’t stop crying when he heard the report, but just because the women’s fertility drugs make him very emotional.

Conan O’ Brian might be leaving NBC to go to Fox. Analyst came up to that conclusion because in his latest monologues he started trashing the Obama administration.

"People" magazine says Tiger Woods has checked in “The Meadows” an upscale clinic in Arizona, to be treated for sex addiction. Apparently, the clinic wants to avoid any temptations so they surrounded Tiger with only black female nurses.

Jan Gabriel, the announcer best known for the "Sunday! Sunday! Sunday!" monster truck rally commercials, died at the age of 69. The funeral starts this Friday, Friday Friday!

One of the Mexican drug cartels sawed the face of a rival onto a soccer ball. Apparently, they did it for no reason, just because they got a kick out of it.

Following the release of her book, Sarah Palin has now signed to be a contributor to Fox News. Who says that you can’t succeed economically during the Obama Administration? Ahh, Sarah Palin…

Some people complained of headaches after having seen the 3D movie Avatar. But the migraines pale in comparison to the ones I get when I hear people debating Avatar.