January 27th 2010

Jay Leno is going to appear on Oprah. I doubt he is going to jump on Oprah’s couch professing his love for NBC. I’m glad Oprah didn’t invite Letterman because, if he’s going to start jumping on the couch to profess his love for his mistresses, it’ll take a week.

Jay Leno's been booked to host this year's White House Correspondent's Dinner. It was supposed to start at 10 PM, but it was moved to 11:35 now.

A woman in Georgia made her son kill his pet hamster with a hammer after he got bad grades in school. Don’t worry; the kid is so dumb, he played “You can’t touch this” to the hamster for hours and the pet is still fine.

An environmental group in Michigan called The Ecology Center says that the "new car" smell can kill you. So, it is official; GM and Chrysler have not killed anybody in a couple of years.

The value of the White House has reportedly dropped in the past year by 5.1%. Real Estate agents are stupid; this is the time to raise the price of the White House; Republicans would pay anything to get back in there!

A new study says that one day humans will be able to reach 35 or even 40 miles per hour, especially if they're being chased by an aroused Andy Dick.

The clinic in Mississippi where Tiger Woods is rehabilitating is said to be using fake tigers to fool the media. The reporters became suspicious when they saw one of the doubles hitting on a black woman.

The clinic in Mississippi where Tiger Woods is rehabilitating is said to be using fake tigers to fool the media. So if you are a waitress in Vegas and had sex this weekend with the hope you were doing Tiger, sorry... keep on working.

President Obama tells ABC News' Diane Sawyer that he'd rather be a "really good one term president" than a "mediocre two term president." And Republicans immediately offered their help to make Obama’s wish come true.

A man in Arizona found his neighbor having sex with his dog. The neighbor’s wife was surprised, especially because her husband told her he’d be in the LAB.

A man in Arizona found his neighbor having sex with his dog. I know Conan is not allowed to see Triumph anymore, but this is too much.

A man in Arizona found his neighbor having sex with his dog. Come on! He was just throwing the dog a bone.

Gawker.com reported yesterday there’s a sex tape of former senator John Edwards having sex with his former mistress Rielle Hunter. It is not that exciting; Edwards stops having sex every two seconds to ask for a make-up and hair artists.

President Obama welcomed the Los Angeles Lakers and their families to the White House yesterday. You know, Biden usually gets the unpleasant jobs; he had to welcome the Clippers.

President Obama welcomed the Los Angeles Lakers and their families to the White House yesterday. All the basketball players love him, especially when they heard that Obama wants to double the childcare tax credit.