January 29th 2010

President Obama tried to use last night's State of the Union Address as an opportunity to reconnect with the middle class. Why waste any air time? The middle class in America is so small he could have called those 3 people on the phone.

During the State of the Union Address, President Obama promised to use 2010 to focus on creating jobs. I believe him, he’ll get jobs for Americans, especially if you are a Republican and you are running against a Democrat in any 2010 election.

President Obama said he is rooting for the Saints in the next Super Bowl. If I were a Colts fan I would start celebrating because if it goes for the Saints like it went for the Democratic candidates Obama backed in the last 3 elections, the Saints are screwed…

Newly-elected Massachusetts Senator Scott Brown will be on Jay Leno's show tonight. Meanwhile, I heard David Letterman has requested his daughters.

Around 11 of the chimpanzees at the Edinburgh Zoo in England were given a camera to film themselves. And today NBC executives made an offer to buy the footage and include it in their primetime lineup.

Around 11 of the chimpanzees at the Edinburgh Zoo in England were given a camera to film themselves. It is a new reality show called NBC Executives.

President Obama wants a three year spending freeze. You mean like the one Pelosi has on her face?

John Edwards and his wife have reportedly legally separated. They are supposed to split 50/50; they will get one America each.

John Edwards and his wife Elizabeth are now legally separated. John is devastated; during the settlement he is supposed to give 50% of all his hair care products to her.

Portland Trail Blazers center Greg Oden is apologizing for nude photos of him that have surfaced on the internet. I saw the pictures and I finally understand why his knees are always injured. His junk probably keeps on hitting against them all the time.

Portland Trail Blazers center Greg Oden is apologizing for frontal nude photos of him that have surfaced on the internet. I don’t want to say he is well endowed, but Bin Laden is trying to recruit him to hide a missile in his underpants.

Portland Trail Blazers center Greg Oden is apologizing for frontal nude photos of him that have surfaced on the internet. I’m tired of these athletes jumping on the bandwagon of Pants on the ground.

Steve Jobs unveiled yesterday the new Apple Tablet called the i-Pad. You know that Microsoft will try to launch a better product like they did with the Zune and will come up with their own version: The Maxi-Pad... it has wings!

I like the i-Pad, but I think it is kind of big. Do you have an i-pad in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? The i-Pad is not practical… only to be used once a month.

I already hate the i-Pad; my wife told me the other day that she was not going to have sex with me because she was with the i-Pad.

Researchers at Stanford University are developing a car that doesn't require a driver. That’s a nice present to one of his best former students: Tiger Woods.

A study found that children in the UK, as young as 11, were consuming almost two bottles of wine a week. Would you blame them? You don’t have your mom forcing you to eat that horrible food?

Paul Davies, a physicist from Arizona State University, believes that alien life may already be living among us. Has this guy been in California? It is flooded with aliens and they are mostly illegals.

Paul Davies, a physicist from Arizona State University, believes that alien life may already be living among us. Lou Dobbs has been fighting them for years.

A study says that children who are ambidextrous are more likely to develop mental problems. Apparently, it drives them crazy to decide which hand to use to please themselves.

The US teen pregnancy rate rose in 2006 for the first time in 16 years. I guess this time Democrats will be finally right if they blame Bush.

After Obama's State Of The Union speech last night, Chris Matthews said he forgot Obama was black while he was watching it.He shouldn't worry about it, Rush Limbaugh will remind him of that every day.