February 2nd 2010

Osama bin Laden released a new audio tape blaming the US for Global Warming. He should be thankful; at least he is going to be ready for when he goes to hell.

Osama bin Laden released a new audio tape criticizing the US for the effect of Global Warming. Apparently, it is getting too hot for Al-Qaeda when they burn American flags.

During the Miss America Pageant, Rush Limbaugh impressed all the judges when he danced frantically to a Lady Gaga song. Everyone was having fun until they realized Rush wasn’t dancing, he was having another heart attack.

A man posted an ad offering his left testicle for Super Bowl tickets. John Edwards was interested, he needed an extra one to go and have babies with other mistresses without being afraid they’d carry his DNA.

A man posted an ad offering his left testicle for Super Bowl tickets. If he offers the other one as well, Tiger might be interested; apparently his wife cut both of his testicles after she found he had cheated.

A man posted an ad offering his left testicle for Super Bowl tickets. What a ballsy move!

There’s a new type of morning-after pill that is still effective 5 days after you had sex. It is going to be quite popular; it gives women more time to investigate if the guy really has that much money or if he was just lying when he said it.

There’s a new type of morning-after pill that is still effective 5 days after you had sex. But, until the pill is effective for 2 years after you had sex, John Edwards is not interested.

Emmy-winning actor Rip Torn was arrested Saturday for allegedly breaking into a bank. Unfortunately, police couldn’t catch the guy that was driving the getaway car: Nicolas Cage.

Emmy-winning actor Rip Torn was arrested Saturday for allegedly breaking into a Connecticut bank and carrying a loaded handgun while intoxicated. He must have been really wasted to think he was going to find money in a bank.

Lady Gaga performed at the Grammy’s with Elton John. There are still people that believe she is a man, and next to Elton John she definitely looked like one.

Rolling Stones guitarist Ronnie Wood checked himself into rehab for the 8th time. One more punch on his rehab card and he gets his 10th entrance for free.

Miss Virginia Caressa Cameron is our new Miss America. She is the first African American to win since 2005. Harry Reid said she deserved it because she was light-skinned, and with no Negro accent.

A pastor in Connecticut threatened his son with a gun because he wasn’t attending church. What a way to scare the hell out of him.

The former John Edwards’ aid that has an alleged sex tape of the former candidate and his mistress says that tape is in a place where nobody can see it. Apparently, they are running it 24/7 in NBC.

CBS has rejected a Super Bowl ad submitted by a gay dating Web site that shows two male football fans making out. They are right; we have enough gays with the announcers of the game talking about the tight end opened getting ready for a deep penetration.