October 31st 2006

Midterm Elections
In the heat of the midterm elections several candidates brought to light books their rivals wrote which contained pornographic related topics. Apparently the Playboy channel secured the rights for the 2008 presidential debate.

Another hunting season is underway in some parts of the US. Vice president Dick Cheney has not yet prepared the list of Republican friends that will join him for his first hunting trip; he is just waiting to see who loses in the upcoming elections.

Democrats claim they are not intimidated by the promoted final 72 hour-push Karl Rove said will determine the GOP victory in the upcoming elections. In fact Democrats are so confident, they are promoting the 96 hour-push, because it will probably take them 96 hours to roll Dennis Hastert’s huge ass out of the Speaker-of-the-House chair.

Voting Machines
The U.S. government is investigating an Oakland company that makes touch-screen voting machines because it may have ties to Venezuelan dictator Hugo Chavez. Apparently what raised suspicions was the fact that the screen was divided in two and said: For Democrats push "Heaven", for Republicans push "Hell."

Immigration
Secretary Michael Chertoff announced yesterday that the number of illegals crossing the border has declined almost 35% in the past year. Coincidentally adoption of foreign babies by celebrities has increased almost 35%.

Secretary Michael Chertoff announced yesterday that the number of illegals crossing the border has declined almost 35% in the past year, what makes you wonder: Should we be happy that even starving people from very poor countries don’t want to live here anymore?

In other News
According to a recent study, diets based on fewer calories can drastically slow the aging process. It is a little known fact that Nicole Richie is actually 120 years old.

Katie Couric claims that despite her third-place ranking among the major three network newscasts, she is feeling great and having a great time. Apparently she made those comments while swimming in a pool full of money out her last check.