November 28th 2006

Michael Richards
Michael Richards showed a lot of consternation for the killing of a black UPS driver shot by police after leaving his bachelor party. Richards said he is really sad because white kids might not receive their Christmas presents in time.

More and more comedians are blaming Republicans for Michael Richards’ racial tirade. They claim that since the GOP lost in the last elections comedians are forced to generate their own scandals so they can come up with new material.

Twins
The U.S. Embassy has asked the Bush twins to leave Argentina for security reasons. According to embassy officials, despite of a solid economy, there has been a rebirth of looting in Argentina. Apparently the mini bars in the rooms where the Bush’s twins stayed have been ransacked.

Pamela Anderson
Pamela Anderson has filed for divorce from Kid Rock. The former Baywatch actress claimed that she is not like Britney and won’t leave Kid empty handed as she already gave him Hepatitis C.

Immediately after Pamela Anderson filed for divorce, Kid Rock threatened his soon to be ex -wife with the release of a scandalous video they shot during their honeymoon. According to Rock, the video is extremely shocking because Pamela kept her clothes on.

Bush
President Bush refused to say there’s a civil war in Iraq despite of the escalating bloodshed in the region. During a press conference the president said it is not a civil war, just the typical and innocent Thanksgiving family beef.

In other news
Sketchy Internet reports say there's a sex tape floating around featuring Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey. In the video you can hear Jessica’s father directing the couple.

Doctors in Miami removed a 16 pound tumor from a 15-year-old Haitian girl’s face. According to experts this is the biggest tumor to be removed since Britney Spears got rid of K-Fed.

The New York Times said Sunday the Iraqi insurgency is self-financing due to all the cash from oil smuggling, kidnapping and extortion. It is nice to see that the teachings of the American Democracy are paying off.