November 2nd 2006

John Kerry
Senator John Kerry canceled all his public appearances after he got in trouble for a joke that was misinterpreted by lots of Americans. It was a bad day for the senator: fellow Democrats asked him to apologize, radio hosts and comedians ridiculed him, and his wife cancelled his weekly allowance

During a speech in Pasadena City College and while encouraging students to study hard and do their homework to succeed in life, Senator John Kerry got in serious trouble after he botched a joke. Guess who flanked "Jokelogy 101."

After John Kerry’s botched joke caused a tremendous stir in the last 48 hours, the senator admitted he is pulling back from campaigning ahead of next week's midterm elections. Most of the Republican candidates cheaped-in and sent president Bush a book of 1-liners to see if the president botches some jokes too.

Ugly Mail
Democratic Candidate Ed Perlmutter is strongly criticizing Republicans over a piece of direct mail that was designed to look like a sex-offender notification accusing him of being soft on crime. Ironically the Republicans used as a sample the sex-offender notification that warned people Mark Foley was in the area.

Mark Foley
Former Congressman Mark Foley will remain in treatment for alcoholism much longer than actor Mel Gibson. Apparently it takes longer to cure you of alcoholic pedophilia than alcoholic racism.

Eating Out
In a new survey by Zagat, 83% of Americans say they eat out as often as or more often than they did two years ago. I don’t know why but the rats in the salads and the fingers in the sandwiches always taste better when you eat out.

Iran Tourism
Iran is making a push to try to get Americans and other Western tourists to visit and they will pay agents $10 for every European, and $20 for every American. This is Bush’s dream, to get paid to invade a country.

Congress
Democrats claim that if elected one of the things they are going to do in their first 100 hours in congress is to raise the minimum wage, which will benefit tons of people, specially politicians who will be out of work after November 7th.

Kevin Federlaine
The New York Post ran a full 1,400-word 'article' by Kevid Federline. If you discard the "Yeahs" and the "You know what I mean" the article is only 20 words long.

The New York Post ran a full 1,400-word 'article' by Kevid Federline. That is a page not even Mark Foley would dare touch.