February 12th 2007

Numerous
This past week, Rudy Giulianni and Barack Obama announced their presidential candidacy making the number of candidates almost as big as the number of people that claim to be Ana Nicole Smith’s baby’s father.

More and more people are claiming to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s baby. So far nobody has shown up claiming the paternity of Smith’s implants, though.

Taxes
Chicago is considering a tax on all bullets bought in the city. It is a genius way for the IRS to continuously get money, as criminals will have to buy more bullets to commit more crimes to pay the taxes on the bullets they bought on the first place

Genius
According to a team from Princeton University, missing out on sleep may cause the brain to stop producing new cells, making Kevin Federlain a sort of Einstein.

Heavy Snow
Heavy snow continues to fall in New York; the snow is so deep now that you can barely see the eyes of the rats on the streets.

World Dominance
Russian President Vladimir Putin accused Washington on Saturday of attempting to force its will on the world. Don’t we have to be able first to force our will in Iraq?

Iran
U.S. officials say they believe that Iran is supplying Shiite militias with new weapons. Hopefully Iran will continue doing that so when we invade them they won’t have weapons to defend themselves.

Debate
Three days of intense debate over the Iraq war begins in the House today with members trying to make the most of the five minutes each will be allotted. Apparently Republicans will be warned their 5 minutes are up with music of the Dixie Chicks.