February 7th 2007

Crawford
Crawford gift shop owners claim they are not selling as many Bush souvenirs as they used to because Bush did not visit his ranch in 2006 as often as he used to. This proves that when Bush is on vacation the economy improves.

KKK Comeback
A new report shows that the Ku Klux Klan is enjoying a resurgence because of growing concerns about illegal immigration. They claimed they are going to be more lenient with Latinos though, because now that they have more members they are going to need someone to wash their sheets.

Tim Russert
NBC reporter Tim Russert will testify in front of the grand jury on the Scooter Libby trial. He said he was very nervous about it, not so much for the Libby case, but rather because this is the first time he is going to have such a big audience.

Couple
Yesterday at Mantua, archaeologists revealed the discovery of a couple locked in a tender embrace, one that has endured for more than 5,000 years. I guess the woman will never complain again he didn’t cuddle her long enough after sex.

Ted Haggard
One of four ministers who oversaw three weeks of intensive counseling for Rev. Ted Haggard said the disgraced minister emerged convinced that he is "completely heterosexual." Haggard claims the proof is that he walked by Isaac Washington and the actor did not insult him.

Budget
President Bush is ready to defend his 2.9 trillion budget plan to a new Democratic Congress who claimed the budget is more than what Bush had anticipated. According to the White House, Bush unintentionally dropped 2 zeros like he did before with the letters I and C in Democrat Party.