February 13th 2007

Bush
According to "rasmussenreports.com" president Bush experienced a big bump on his approval ratings with forty-one percent of Americans approving of the way that Bush is performing his role as President. In a written statement the president thanked those who made that possible: the crazy astronaut and Anna Nicole Smith.

During a TV interview Laura Bush confided that when it comes to Valentine's Day President Bush is "not very good" at remembering the date. That is probably the only quality Bush inherited from former president Reagan: Alzheimer.

North Korea Deal
North Korea has tentatively agreed to close down its nuclear weapons program in exchange for energy aid. During a press conference a happy president Bush said that we are sending Gatorade as soon as possible.

Viagra
Tomorrow, a British pharmacy chain will begin selling Viagra over the counter. To avoid abuse from the public, British doctors are going to put the Viagra bottles next to the toothpaste.

Debate
The US Congress will start today a major debate on the Iraq war. The debate will be televised so each congressman will be allotted only 5 minutes to defend their position because C-Span needs to continue with its Anna Nicole Smith’s death coverage.

Smoke
After Barak Obama announced he will quit smoking, several candidates felt obliged to discuss their smoking habits. Hillary Clinton said people should not be concerned about her health because she only smokes a cigarette after having sex.

Nap Research
New research shows that taking a short nap every afternoon at work helps reduce the risk for heart disease. Unless the one that takes the nap is a bus driver and you happen to be a pedestrian crossing the street.

New research shows that taking a short nap every afternoon at work helps reduce the risk for heart disease. Right after the research was known a huge line of people stood next to Dick Cheney's office banging pots and pans.