February 14th 2007

Iraq War Debate
Democrats and Republicans are vying for the most desired slots in the televised Iraq war debate. Lawmakers from the West Coast do not want to speak early in the morning because they know that if people have to choose they rather see the boobs of Girls Gone Wild Commercials than the boobs in congress.

Army Recruits
The number of waivers granted to Army recruits with criminal backgrounds has grown about 65 percent in the last three years. Apparently the Army has the same recruiters as "American Idol".

The number of waivers granted to Army recruits with criminal backgrounds has grown about 65 percent in the last three years. It seems congressmen have no more excuses to not join the army anymore.

Mexico
Mexican President Felipe Calderon's government wants to decriminalize first-time possession of small amounts of drugs. Apparently they expect to get high enough to cross the border flying.

Mexican President Felipe Calderon's government wants to decriminalize first-time possession of small amounts of drugs. According to American travel agencies Spring break has turned into Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter break.

Credit Card
Bank of America is offering a new credit card for illegal immigrants. It's reportedly the only card that allows you to earn frequent flyer miles to send you back to Mexico.

Helen Thomas
Helen Thomas, long-time Presidential correspondent, may be about to lose her front row seat in the Press Briefing Room. Apparently, to make the briefings more interesting Tony Snow wanted to copy Jay Leno and have only hot young women on the first row.