May 22nd 2007

Presidential Election
XM satellite Radio announced it will launch a new radio channel dedicated to the 2008 presidential election. Apparently candidates' explicit language makes it impossible to broadcast the channel in terrestrial radio.

Iraq
U.S. Defense Secretary Robert Gates said the clock is ticking for the Iraqi government to show that it can improve the situation. Unfortunately insurgence leaders also told the Iraqi government there are hundreds of clocks ticking a day, mostly located in cars and backpacks.

Paternity test
A paternity battle between identical twins has broken up when a judge ordered a paternity test after the mother of a 3-year-old little girl confessed she had had sex with both of them within hours of each other. The judge could not determine who the father is yet, because with identical twins the DNA is the same, but he had no problem determining that the woman was a slut.

Immigration
Senate leaders agreed Monday that they would wait until June to take final action on a bipartisan plan to give millions of unlawful immigrants legal status. Apparently they want to keep the cheap labor a little longer so they can have their backyards ready for summer.

Bush
President Bush dismissed Jimmy Carter as "increasingly irrelevant" after his harsh criticism of his administration. The president said that Carter is totally irrelevant especially after he left "The Backstreet Boys."

Ladders
The number of ladder-related injuries in the United States increased by more than 50 percent from 1990 to 2005. Apparently the increase in the use of ladders grew in the last 6 years with Americans trying to stick their heads out of the water.