May 25th 2007

Bush
During a press conference president Bush said that the objective now is to secure the Iraqi Capital. Halliburton executives said that they are working hard to secure the Iraqi capital.... in the Cayman islands.

President Bush says he would leave Iraq if the Iraqi's asked him to. The problem is that every time some Iraqi official tries to get closer to the green fortified area, the shooting at him is not precisely a 21 gun salute.

Isaiah Washington
Isaiah Washington had to tape a public service announcement condemning the use of homophobic, racist and sexist language as part of his gay-hating rehab assignment. He was reluctant at first but accepted when they told him that the other choice was to tongue-kiss Elton John.

Mary-Kate Olsen
Mary-Kate Olsen will be a regular on the upcoming season of the Showtime series "Weeds". She will play a thin graceless joint.