September 10th 2007

Britney
Britney Spears opened Sunday Night the MTV Video Awards with a performance that critics called deplorable. Apparently the only lucky ones were her two kids whom she had left alone inside the car in the parking lot all day in a scorching hot day.

Magician Chris Angel was not part of Britney Spears’ opening act Sunday Night at the MTV Video Awards. Rumors are that he saw Britney in rehearsal and decided to make himself disappear.

Britney Spears opened Sunday Night the MTV video awards performing her new song "Gimme More," which according to the way she looked on stage means gimme more Cheetos, ciggies, burgers, and of course, talent.

Democratic Presidential Debate
Democrats held Sunday the first presidential debate in Spanish. It proved Democrats are more versatile than Republicans; they can BS in two languages.

President Bush said yesterday he was angered by the fact that Democrats had a presidential debate in a language he cannot totally understand. The sad part was he was not talking about the Democratic presidential debate in Spanish, but rather about the one they had two weeks ago in English.

Bin Laden
Osama Bin Laden has made a new video in which he slams Democrats, talks about lowering taxes and joining his religion. If it wasn’t for the beard, everybody would have thought it was Fred Thompson launching his candidacy on his website video.

In the latest Bin Laden’s video, Osama talks about the devastating effect of global warming. It is understandable; do you know how hot it gets inside the cave when you wear a robe and a turban?

Osama Bin Laden has made a new video in which he made references to the mortgage crisis. Apparently the interests in the loan for his new two-room-cave are killing him.

GOP
California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger is urging the GOP to reclaim the middle. GOP officials replied that if there’s something Republicans have not lost lately is the middle, specially the middle finger.

Church Settlement
The Roman Catholic Diocese of San Diego has reached a $198 million settlement with people who were sexually abused by Catholic priests and church workers. It is not that they abused less people than the Roman Catholic Diocese of LA, they just paid $10 dollars each.

Tribes
The leader of an unrecognized American Indian tribe was charged Friday for stealing money under the false pretense of selling illegal immigrants documents to become US citizens. Apparently, tribes are only allowed to steal people’s money in the Casinos.

Gay Studies
More and more American universities are now offering full-fledged minors in gay studies. The new classes range from Foot-tapping 101 to best bathroom hook-ups in America.

Heart Attacks
A new study suggests that young adults who lose their teeth to cavities or gum disease may have an increased risk of dying from heart disease later in life. Still, the number is much smaller compare to the people who died from heart attacks when they found out they had to go to the dentist for an extraction.