September 14th 2007

Britney
US Weekly is reporting that Fox has invited Britney Spears to appear on the Emmy Awards this Sunday to apologize for her disastrous appearance on the MTV Awards. It seems Britney has accepted the offer and hired a Southwest airline flight attendant as a her wardrobe consultant.

Bush’s Speech
President Bush addressed the nation and announced that thirty thousand American troops will come back to their homes. He then corrected himself and said that only few of them will come back to their homes, because lots of them lost their houses to the mortgage crisis and will be forced to live with their parents.

President Bush addressed the nation Thursday and told America and Iraq that things were working pretty well in Iraq. Unfortunately, most Iraqis could not see Bush’s speech because they didn’t have electricity.

CBS viewers were confused Thursday when they thought the News with Katie Couric went a lot longer. Actually the news finished at the usual time, the other person that had a colonoscopy, that just came from Iraq and has disastrous ratings was President Bush addressing the nation.

Trout
Japanese researchers were able to make a male and female salmon give birth to a trout. Well, that is what they told the little trout. The truth is it is adopted.

Southwest
A second young woman has come forward to claim that Southwest Airlines employees made her cover up on a recent flight, thus making Southwest officially the gayest airline ever.

Meat
Scientists said on Thursday that eating less meat could help slow global warming by reducing the number of livestock and thereby, decreasing the amount of methane flatulence from the animals. Unfortunately, with the increase in consumption of vegetables, people will increase their own production of methane flatulence.

Scientists said on Thursday that eating less meat could help slow global warming by reducing the number of livestock and thereby, decreasing the amount of methane flatulence from the animals. Dogs immediately pointed out they don’t fart that often; it’s just that they are blamed all the time.