September 17th 2007

Emmy
The Emmy Awards were held last night and Ryan Seacrest was the host. Right after the show, MTV invited Seacrest to the next MTV video Awards to apologize for such a disastrous performance.

The Emmy Awards were held last night but Britney Spears did not use the show to apologize for her poor performance at the MTV awards ceremony last week. Emmy organizers were frustrated because the other person they invited to apologize for last week poor performance didn’t show up either: Gen. David Petraeus.

O.J.
O.J. Simpson has been arrested for armed robbery. Apparently he stole some memorabilia and Britney’s spotlight.

O.J. Simpson has been arrested for armed robbery and might end up spending a long time in jail. What makes it even worse for OJ is that now his prison team is going to get pounded by Michael Vick’s prison team.

O.J. Simpson has been arrested for using a gun to steal some memorabilia items, among them, the suit O.J. wore when he was acquitted of murder. OJ said he is not sad he is going to jail, because he is expecting to be able to sell the suit he is going to wear when he is acquitted again.

O.J. Simpson has been arrested for armed robbery and might end up spending a long time in jail. Unfortunately for O.J., the position of runner for the movie "The Longest Yard" was already given to Michael Vick.

Hillary
The National Association of Letter Carriers endorsed Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton for president on Wednesday. They said the were very sympathetic with Hillary, because they know how painful it is when your ankles get attacked all the time.

Hillary Clinton will unveil today her Universal Health care plan, which ironically will make lots of Republicans sick.

Burglar
A burglar who learned how to commit crimes by watching the Discovery Channel is going to prison. He said he can’t wait now for the new season of "Prison Break."

Larry King
A city block in Los Angeles was renamed "Larry King Square." Unfortunately, all the arteries that get you there are clogged.

Jim McGreevey
Former New Jersey Governor Jim McGreevey says his wife's divorce settlement demands are unreasonable. He will give her anything but those beautiful stylish stiletto shoes he loves so much.