Explosives
Officials have said that security screeners missed almost 60% of simulated explosives during tests conducted by undercover federal agents passing through checkpoints. Officials also noted that screeners took almost a 100% of passengers’ toothpaste, dry stick deodorant and bottles of water. So now you know it: if you want to smuggle some toothpaste into the plane, disguise it as a bomb.

Officials said that security screeners missed almost 60% of simulated explosives during tests conducted by undercover federal agents passing through checkpoints. Among those bombs: J-Lo latest CD and a copy of the pilot of "Cavemen."

Dick Cheney
Dick Cheney sent a memo yesterday telling White House officials to cut him some slack for future tardiness. Cheney said that if it was hard for him to be able to get a cab before as Cheney, can you imagine now as a black Dick Cheney?

Britney
Pop star Britney Spears ran over the foot of a photographer for celebrity Web site TMZ.com. last Friday. Spears said that that’s why she needs her kids back because if her kids had been driving, they wouldn’t have missed and killed the paparazzi.

Licenses
A huge debate broke up in New York over a plan to give driver licenses to illegal aliens. It is probably a huge useless debate considering that none of the illegals have enough money to put gas in the cars.

Some people in New York are outrage about a plan that would provide driver licenses to illegal aliens. If they are so concerned about illegal aliens, why don’t they come up with a plan that revoke the driver licenses of those who drive by Home Depot to hire them.