October 22nd 2007

Guantanamo
The US military has ended an inquiry into who smuggled an unauthorized Speedo at Guantanamo Bay. Officials discovered that some new prisoners were wrong and smuggled the Speedo because they thought water-boarding meant surfing.

Bush
President Bush declared last week at a press conference that he remains "relevant" despite his political troubles. The president said that to prove it he has just signed with VH1 to shoot “Bush of Love.”

Limbaugh
Radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh raised more than $2 million for charity by auctioning off a letter signed by 41 Democratic senators that criticized his on-air comments about U.S. soldiers. If Rush wants to raise more money, I know of a lot of people that would pay a lot more money to buy his medical records.

Elephants
A new study shows that elephants can literally smell danger. That is why the Republican Party is running away from Bush as fast as they can.

Coppola
Filmmaker Francis Ford Coppola said last week that Robert De Niro, Jack Nicholson and Al Pacino lack ambition and will not embrace challenges in their careers anymore. Unfortunately, none of them could challenge that statement because they were recording the voices for three cute fish for upcoming Disney cartoon movies.

Viagra
The FDA says that Viagra and other impotence drugs could cause hearing loss in men. What a bummer, just when you can finally make your partner scream and moan you won’t be able to hear it.

The FDA says that Viagra and other impotence drugs could cause hearing loss in men. Doctors recommend giving the drugs to grandchildren too, so they go deaf as well and do not get traumatized when they hear their grandpas screaming in the bedroom.

The FDA says that Viagra and other impotence drugs could cause hearing loss in men. That explains Rush Limbaugh’s early deafness.

Dumbledore
"Harry Potter" author J.K. Rowling has outed Headmaster Dumbledore as being gay. That answers the question why Dumbledore was always so interested in Harry’s magic wand.

"Harry Potter" author J.K. Rowling has outed Headmaster Dumbledore as being gay. Dumbledore denied it and said: I am not gay, I never have been gay”