November 27th 2007

Cheney
Vice President Dick Cheney, who has a history of heart problems, experienced an irregular heartbeat Monday. These are the 5 reasons why Dick Cheney might have experienced an irregular heartbeat:
1. Cheney had to spend Thanksgiving dinner with his lesbian daughter and her girlfriend;
2. He attended the summit with the Middle East countries to find out it was a Middle East "Peace" summit;
3. He got too exited while water-boarding the turkey to tenderize it;
4. During Christmas season it gets too stressful for him because he gets a second job as the Grinch;
5. What? Dick Cheney has a heart?

Trent Lott
After announcing his retirement, Mississippi Sen. Trent Lott told the media he might become a lobbyist for environmentalists groups. Sorry, but it is hard to believe that someone that uses so much hairspray cares about the environment.

Mississippi Sen. Trent Lott announced Monday he will retire from the Senate by the end of the year. People believe that Lott retired because he wants to make more money in the private sector. With his history, he’ll definitely have a shot as a co-host in the Imus radio show.

Iran
It was reported in the media that fortune tellers are becoming increasingly popular in Iran. How tough could that be to be a fortune teller in Iran? “I see an American bomb in your future."

Beauty Pageant
Organizers at a Puerto Rico beauty pageant are trying to figure out who laced the winner of the pageant’s evening gowns and makeup with pepper spray. They already have a suspect: Ricky Martin, who apparently refused to give up his throne as Puerto Rico’s reigning queen.

Miami Dolphins
The Miami Dolphins lost to the Steelers this Monday extending their winless season to 11 games. Apparently, the Dolphins’ coach Cam Cameron has a special request for the next game; he asked to bring the cheerleader from "Heroes," Hayden Panettiere, to see if she can save the Dolphins from being slaughtered again.

The Miami Dolphins activated running back Ricky Williams on Monday following a 1 1/2-year suspension. He’s happy to come back. With the Dolphin’s records he can probably smoke marihuana and claim it is for medical purposes to cope with the pain.

The Miami Dolphins lost again this Monday on a rainy game and a flooded field. If the Dolphins cannot win on a field that looks like a pond, I guess there’s nothing else God can do to help.

Iraq
In a signed declaration, Iraqi Minister Nouri al-Maliki said that Iraq is ready to build a relationship with the U.S. in a sustainable way that protects mutual interests. Apparently they already gave the contracts to build that relationship to Halliburton.

Cyber Monday
A significantly higher number of U.S. shoppers bought products online during the so-called Cyber Monday. Unless, of course, you have a dial-up connection, and in that case you are still trying to buy in the so-called Cyber Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday...

Around 72% of online retailers plan special Cyber Monday promotions: no more than 10 pop-ups a page.

It is reported that millions of Americans waste several hours at work to buy Christmas presents during the so-called Cyber Monday. It is also reported that the same Americans spent hours the next day in the so-called “find-a-new-job-Tuesday.”