September 25th 2008

McCain
It was reported yesterday that Senator John McCain paid $5,500 to the makeup artist who works on "American Idol" for similar cosmetic services. McCain immediately denied he’s got a make up artist on staff, he just has an embalmer.

It was reported yesterday that Senator John McCain paid $5,500 to the makeup artist who works on "American Idol" for similar cosmetic services. Apparently he needs a real professional to hide his resemblance to President Bush.

Senator John McCain wants to suspend the presidential debate scheduled for Monday. Apparently, there’s a Matlock and Golden Girls marathon on TV.

Tubes
Louisiana State Rep. John LaBruzzo, said Tuesday he is studying a plan to pay poor women $1,000 to have their Fallopian tubes tied. Apparently, it’ll be known as the Bob Barker bill.

Louisiana State Rep. John LaBruzzo, said Tuesday he is studying a plan to pay poor women $1,000 to have their Fallopian tubes tied. Some people wished they had this bill passed way before so they could have LaBruzzo’s mother to do it before she had him.

Bush
In a televised address, President Bush spoke to America Wednesday. A lot people missed it though, because "The Biggest Looser" airs on Tuesdays.

President Bush has invited both presidential candidates to the White House on Thursday. Obama and McCain’s managers both agreed to secure the windows at the White House, so Bush doesn’t sneak out and leave both candidates there to try to rescue this sinking ship.

Economy experts are skeptical about giving Henry Paulson $700 billion and so much responsibility when he wasn’t even elected by the people. But didn’t we give an entire country and a lot more responsibility to someone that wasn’t elected by the people either?

Couric
CBS News anchor Katie Couric sat down for an exclusive interview with vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin Wednesday. During the interview CBS kept showing a disclaimer that the tape wasn’t a repeat of Couric’s colonoscopy.

Bears
The Center for Biological Diversity says that polar bears are hungry and resorting to cannibalism, not only because the ice is melting and global warming transforms the Arctic, but also because they are copying from the human behavior of brokers in Wall Street.

Oregon Biker
Over the past few months, the police in Ashland, Oregon have been swamped with calls complaining about a hot woman that rides her bike around town wearing only a thong. That leads us to believe most of the population in Oregon is gay.