September 30th 2008

Debate
The nationally televised debate last week between U.S. presidential contenders drew 52.4 million U.S. viewers. The second debate is expected to do worse, not because of lack of interest, but rather because by that time most Americans will have been forced to pawn their TV sets due to the economy.

Most political analysts praised John McCain, a known temperamental and edgy debater, because the candidate kept his cool throughout the entire debate. Unfortunately, the two puppies McCain bumped into while leaving the University couldn’t say the same.

Palin
During an interview with Katie Couric, Sarah Palin couldn’t name any supreme court case other than Roe V. Wade. However, she told Couric that she’ll go home to watch Judge Jury for a week and get back to her.

Sarah Palin is holding her vice presidential debate with Joe Biden on Thursday. I don’t want to say that the McCain campaign is cramming too much info and very fast on her, but I’ve heard she’s burping answers on foreign policy and farting answers on the economy.

Shut
A man in West Virginia who had his first bowel movement 17 days after a rectum surgery, is suing his doctor because he discovered his rectum had been stapled. The man is demanding compensation for emotional distress, for the cleaning of the entire bathroom and for the ophthalmologist after the staples hit his wife’s right eye.

McCain
Sen. John McCain took credit for building a winning bailout coalition, hours before the vote failed and stocks tanked. In other news, McCain said he’s healthy like an ox.

Sen. John McCain took credit for building a winning bailout coalition, hours before the vote failed and stocks tanked. It wasn’t the only gaffe like that the senator had in the past. Apparently, he once sent a gift basket to the owners of the Hindenburg congratulating them for a successful trip.

Economy
The House’s website was overwhelmed Monday as millions of computer users sought information about the financial-bailout bill rejected by the House. Actually, people googled the F word for porn and they were directed to that page.

After congress didn’t approve the bailout, president Bush said that "our strategy is to continue to address this economic situation head on..." Apply directly to American taxpayers.

Over a thousand people were arrested in a California immigration sweep. They were caught going back to Mexico running away from the lousy economy.