October 1st 2008

VP Debate
Sarah Palin has been preparing for the debate really hard. Her legs are tired of practicing the bending-over-to-pick-up-the-pen move to distract Joe Biden.

Gwen Ifill, the host of the Vice presidential debate, broke her ankle after tripping and falling down stairs at her home Monday night. Apparently, after hearing some of Palin’s answers in recent interviews, she’s been preparing herself for the debate drinking heavily.

Gwen Ifill, the host of the Vice presidential debate, broke her ankle after tripping and falling down stairs at her home Monday night. I don’t want to say she’s scared and smelled conspiracy, but now the opening question for the debate is: How do you skin a moose?

Palin
Rumors spread on the web Tuesday saying that Sarah Palin’s lips were tattooed. And you thought that it was hard to put lipstick on a pig; can you imagine tattooing them?!

Sarah Palin told Katie Couric that she's been listening to Joe Biden since she was in the second grade. I don’t think she knew what she was talking about because she claimed that her favorite album was: Iron Biden, Live.

McCain
Some people started asking questions about senator McCain’s health again, not because there’s any problem with his health, but you need to have an 18-year-old heart to survive some of Palin’s answers to Katie Couric questions.

During an economic forum, Senator John McCain misspoke and said that Venezuela was in the Middle East. Now I understand why the Yankees suck; maybe they are confused too, and instead of getting players from Latin America, they get them from the Middle East.

Market
Some people say that the fact that the Monday opening bell on Wall Street failed to sound was an omen of the disaster. That, and the fact that the bell was replaced by the sound of a toilet flushing.

Campbell Soup's stock was the only stock that rose on Monday, the day the market collapsed 777 points. People feel that in case of Armageddon they can survive on cans of food. Of course, like always, Wall Street people were the only smart ones that remembered to buy can openers and will still rule the world.

Down 777 on Monday, up to more than 500 on Tuesday... But enough about Kirstie Alley’s weight problem. Let’s talk about the market.

In The News
This is "Banned Books Week,” or Tuesday in Alaska.

Two elderly women who tied themselves to a crab apple tree to protest its removal have rescued the tree and saved themselves from eviction. Unfortunately, they couldn’t celebrate yet because they were left tied to the tree since last month.