October 21st 2008

Obama & McCain
Barack Obama raised $150 million in only one month. Obama is getting so much money that McCain dumped Cindy and proposed to him.

The media reported yesterday that the John McCain campaign has solicited a financial contribution from Russia's U.N. Ambassador. In the letter McCain begs him to spread the wealth.

Barack Obama declared his love for the Rays during a visit to Florida and his love for the Phillies during a visit to Philadelphia. You cannot blame Obama; you can’t be good at sports when you wear flip flops all the time.

In the news
A stray kitten in Memphis, Tennessee, refused to come down from a tree for five straight days. Smart move, especially when at the bottom of the tree you got the cooks of Taco Bell waiting for you.

Miami-Dade Circuit Judge Douglas Chumbley resigned Thursday after he was accused of indecent exposure in a Starbucks bathroom at the University of Miami . The witnesses identified it as small latte, not grande at all.

Great news, gasoline fell to three dollars a gallon. Bad news, I just bought a stupid Hybrid.

The Rays defeated Boston in game seven of the American League Playoffs Sunday. So, first the rays killed the Australian guy Steve Irwin, and now the ratings of the World Series.

14 million people watched Sarah Palin’s appearance in SNL last Saturday. And you can imagine their disappointment when Palin didn’t shoot Tina Fey.

Sources say Madonna's lawyers intend to go into divorce court arguing that Guy made her feel "worthless, unattractive, unfeminine, insecure and isolated". Not only Guy, but also that guy, that guy and the other guy too.

President George W. Bush said Monday that Americans don’t have a sense of ``near-panic'' anymore after measures taken by the federal government. Apparently, it went from near panic, to total panic.

Australia is organizing the Olimpic games of sex in 2009. You might notice that Two and a Half Men might go on repeat in the next couple of months so Charlie Sheen can start training.

According to a recent study some soap bars contain caffeine. No wonder my French friend in class is always sleepy.