October 7th 2008

Palin
Political analysts believe that Sarah Palin should be clearer with her message, especially when she talks to the Joe-six-packs of America, because judging by the latest polls, it seems her message only resonates among those who have great abdominals.

During a rally in California, Sarah Palin asked for women support using a phrase she said she had read on her Starbucks mocha cup. After a great audience’s reaction, Palin gained confidence and used another quote she saw that day without saying the source: “Here I sit all broken hearted, tried to poop but only farted...”

Economy
Richard Fuld, the former CEO of investment banking giant Lehman Brothers, was punched in the face by a Lehman employee a few days after the firm had declared the largest bankruptcy in U.S. history. Apparently, Mr. Fuld left his tooth under his pillow and the tooth fairy left him $700 billion.

It’s been reported that Starbucks wastes about 6 million gallons of water every day, almost the same amount of water Republicans use to wash their hands off the financial crisis.

The number of plastic surgeries has gone down almost 40%. It makes sense because with the economic depression, no matter how big your breasts are or how young you look, he won’t get it up.

In the news
Michael Lohan is auctioning off the chance to fight him in a celebrity boxing match. This just in, his daughter and his former wife are in a bidding war to see who can beat the crap out of him.

A nonprofit organization called the Guttmacher Institute has found that only one in five teen virgins have had oral relations. An organization with a similar name called Buttmacher found a total different statistic.

According to an online survey released on Friday, almost half of U.S. workers do not respect their boss. The other half were already fired for not respecting their boss.