October 6th 2008

Palin
During a rally in California, Sarah Palin asked for women support using a phrase she said she had read on her Starbucks mocha cup. This is not the first time a politician governed by quotes. Clinton used to govern with quotes from Chinese Fortune cookies, but he will always finish the quotes with "In bed."

During a rally in California, Sarah Palin told the audience that there's a place in Hell reserved for women who don't support other women.” Immediately after she uttered that sentence, Hell became the only place in the world now with a booming Real Estate business.

Biden
According to some experts, Joe Biden had some sort of face-lift before the Thursday debate. It is an old strategy in politics; you do something to distract people from something else. In his case, a bad plastic surgery to distract people from his bad hair plugs.

According to some experts, Joe Biden had some sort of face-lift before the Thursday debate. That’s why he was outwinked by Sarah Pain, he couldn’t close his eyes.

Obama
Obama had dinner with his wife Friday to celebrate their anniversary. And as a present he only charged her less than $5000 to have dinner on the same table with him.

OJ
OJ Simpson was found guilty of a dozen counts of armed robbery and kidnapping. This time he didn’t try to run away; he wanted to, but he couldn’t afford to put gas in his Bronco.

OJ Simpson was found guilty of a dozen counts of armed robbery and kidnapping. The bad news, he could spend the rest of his life in prison. The good news, the price of his sport memorabilia is going to skyrocket.

Mortgage
Mortgage finance company Fannie Mae said it is forgiving the mortgage debt of a 90-year-old woman who shot herself in the chest as sheriff's deputies attempted to evict her. When he heard the news, Ed McMahon went immediately shopping for a gun.

Video
Adam Gadahn, al Qaeda's media director, released a new video criticizing America and bringing back the fear of terrorism. I don’t want to say this could be another page in Karl Rove’s strategy to help McCain win the elections, but it is suspicious that at the end of the video, the al Qaeda guy winks at the camera.

GOP
Political analysts say that the latest economic crisis and trend in the polls have made the Republicans very pessimistic, finally something that relates Republicans to every day Americans.

In the news
A guy in New Zealand had a personalized license on his car that said "STOWLN" and then his car got actually ripped off. You don’t want to know what happened to the other guy whose license plate was "R8PT."

During an interview with Katie Couric, Sarah Palin said she reads all the magazines and newspapers. She immediately received a thank you note from the editor of a "Take-a–number-two-on-my-chest fetish” Magazine.

In a recent survey, 72% of Americans said that women should NOT return to their traditional roles in society. Men answered the survey while resting in the couch, eating bom boms, watching Oprah, and waiting for their wives to come back from work with the money.

Employers cut nearly 160,000 jobs in September, mostly SNL writers because, since Tyna Fey started doing Palin, they don’t need to write anymore for her to be funny; she just repeats any stupid thing Palin says.

Scientists say they have discovered why bad memories stay with us. In my case, my dad’s belt marks all over my butt.