January 12th 2009

Mother-in-law
President-elect Barack Obama's mother-in-law, Marian Robinson, is moving into the White House. Apparently Obama invited her, especially when heard that those who live in the White House age faster.

President-elect Barack Obama's mother-in-law, Marian Robinson, is moving into the White House. Apparently that will help Obama not to start drinking alcohol, because you don’t want to see double when your mother-in-law lives with you.

Bush
President George W. Bush took his last official Air Force One flight on Saturday. Things are not the same since Obama won the elections, Bush was charged for the pillow and the blanket.

George W. Bush, appearing on Fox News Sunday confirmed that he's planning on writing a book. He said he wants be realized as a person; he already had kids, he’ll write a book and he killed thousands of trees due to poor environmental laws.

George W. Bush, appearing on Fox News Sunday confirmed that he's planning on writing a book. Bush admitted he’ll use a ghost writer because if it is about his presidency it’ll be a horror book.

In the news
A married teacher has been charged after allegedly having sex with a 13-year-old schoolboy more than 300 times. He was her pet student: a rabbit.

Michael Jordan launched his new Nike Air Jordan sneaker the Air Jordan 2009. Nike is trying to regain terrain in the shoe industry, especially after the market became dominated by the shoes of the Iraqi Reporter 2008.

A study says that women can smell a man's intentions. Especially when your husband smells of shower and cologne, it is obvious he is going to have an affair.

POP babe Rachel Stevens has sparked fury by admitting she failed her driving test because she was drunk. She apologized and said she did it because that’s the way she’ll be driving all the time.

An atomic physicist invented self-adjusting eye glasses, which let you adjust the focus of the lenses as you need it. You can adjust them to go blind as a bat when you’re with your wife, and have 20/20 vision when you are at the beach.

Singer R Kelly got divorced Thursday. Ironically his wife wasn’t pissed; they probably got divorced because somebody else got pissed.

White House reporters for The New York Times predict that if Obama’s stimulus plan "doesn’t work out, he may very well be a one-term president. They shouldn’t worry; The New York Times won’t probably be there to cover the second term.

Only 5,000 portable toilets will be available at the presidential inauguration day despite the fact that more than 4,000,000 are expected to attend the event. 5000 toilets for 4,000,000 people? What’s the problem, said Larry Craig, we can all share…

Massachusetts wants fast food restaurants to post meal calories. And today McDonalds asked New York’s mayor to borrow the national debt clock to show the calories of the Double Quarter Pounder.

George H.W. Bush publicly urged his son Jeb Bush to run for president on Fox News Sunday last weekend. The future slogan of Jeb’s campaign: Three is a charm….

U.S. scientists have found a way to levitate tiny objects. The government contacted them to use the device to levitate the dollar.

A man in Alaska, who had given CPR to his dog, had a series of strokes at vet where he has taken his dog. Apparently he suffered the strokes when the vet asked him if he realized where the dog has put his tongue.