January 8th 2009

Presidential Lunch
During the meeting between President Bush, Obama and all the living former presidents, Bill Clinton told President Bush that he loves the rug of the Oval office. If only I had a penny for every time Clinton said that close to a bush...

During the meeting between President Bush, Obama and all the living former presidents, Bill Clinton told President Bush that he loves the rug. And Bush asked “Where’s Biden?”

President Bush invited Obama and all the living ex-presidents for lunch. It was hard to find somebody that wanted to sit next to Bush senior because all claimed they were wearing new suits.

President Bush invited Obama and all the living ex-presidents for lunch. It was quite uncomfortable when President Bush refused to sit at the kids’ table.

Oprah
Oprah Winfrey did a show about her latest problem with gaining weight. Apparently, the problem is that before, she used to tell her audience “you got a car, you got a car, and you got a car.” Lately, she’s been saying “you get me a burger, you get me a burger, and you get me a burger...”


Aretha Franklin will be performing at Obama’s Presidential Inauguration in Washington DC. Apparently, it was a request from Oprah Winfrey so she wouldn't look that fat on stage.

In the news
ABC debuted a new reality show called “Homeland Security USA,” which follows real Border Patrol agents dealing with their daily activities at the border. The show is guaranteed to be a hit, with the 12 million illegals living in the US trying to see if they made it on TV.

According to doctors at Norfolk and Norwich University Hospital in England golf is bad for your hearing, especially after putting up with your wife’s shouting when you get home drunk.

A 27-year-old woman in London found out that she actually has two complete set of female reproductive organs. Her husband said he always suspected that, especially considering how she behaves that time of the month.

Police in Australia are looking for a guy who breaks into sex shops and has sex with blow up dolls. Police suspects the guy must be really good, because so far none of the blow up dolls has wanted to testify.

According to estimates, the average Mexican chews about 2.6 pounds of gum a year... hoping that one of the balloons they make with the gum would be big enough to help them cross the border.

Paris Hilton said she plans to have babies within the next two years. She is already holding daily tryouts.

A British company called Lok8u has just come out with a new wristwatch for kids that's equipped with a GPS tracking device. The most difficult part is trying to convince your kid that wristwatches are still cool.

Joe the Plumber is heading to Israel to serve as a war correspondent. His first report is dramatic, especially the part when he says that 70 % of the toilets are clogged.