January 6th 2008

Burris
Roland Burris, the senator appointed by Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich, told the media Monday that he should be allowed to become senator because his election was perfectly legal, and he has the receipt to prove it.

Obama
Obama promised low-income Americans a huge tax cut. Technically, it is not a tax cut; it’s more like we all get to write off the $700 billion dollars we donated to big bankrupted companies.

Sex surveys
According to a survey, one in three women has faked an orgasm. The other two have faked the answer.

According to a survey, one in three women has faked an orgasm. When they answered if they had faked an orgasm, they said “yes, yes, yes, oh, yes….”

According to a new poll by the Guttmacher Institute, about one out of three teenagers expressed regret about the first time they had sex. The other two got the A the teacher promised.

According to a new study by Fritha Milne, from the University of Western Australia, younger sisters tend to lose their virginity earlier than first-born girls do, usually with the boyfriends of the oldest sister.

Researchers in Japan have just discovered that young people who miss their breakfast tend to lose their virginity earlier in life. Apparently, they need to make up for the lack of eggs and sausages in the early morning.

Cars
Chrysler said Monday its December sales dropped 53 percent. Apparently the only cars they sold were used to test crash dummies.

In the news
Marilyn Manson turned 40 yesterday. He didn’t know if he was going to get a Porsche or menopause.

Bushes
Former President George H.W. Bush said that he'd like to see his son Jeb become president of the United States some day. He dreams Jeb can finish what he started and George W continued: the total destruction of the country.

Bush's 18-year-old pet cat "Willie" has died. Is it a coincidence that today President Bush was considering a pardon for Barney?