January 15th 2009

Bush
Cold temperatures are affecting the entire country. It was so cold today that President Bush asked those who throw shoes at him, to throw the socks as well.

President Bush will give his farewell speech to the nation tonight. Nobody at the White House wants Bush to blow it, so today they asked Kara DioGuardi, the new American Idol judge, to stay next to him in case he starts sounding like Paula Abdul.

President Bush said that after he leaves office he plans to start a “freedom institute”. Apparently, he wants to protect freedom all over the world, especially his.

President Bush said that after he leaves office he plans to write a book, give speeches, and help build his presidential library. If it goes like with the plans and promises he had before he was elected, he’ll end up watching TV in the couch all the time.

Inauguration
Only 5,000 portable toilets will be available at the presidential inauguration day despite the fact that more than 4,000,000 are expected to attend the event. To help , organizers of the event changed one of the performers and booked R. Kelly, who doesn’t use a bathroom when he needs to go number1.

A Nudist Resort in Crownsville, Maryland still has rooms available for those who want attend Obama’s presidential inauguration. The only catch is that you have to get naked during the half-hour member initiation. That is not the only place with that requirement; people who are renting apartments from congressmen in DC, may also be asked to get naked.

Osama Bi Laden
Osama Bin Laden released a new tape Wednesday, his first recorded statement in eight months. President Bush made a last effort to capture Obama, and sent this message to him: “Welcome to Hollywood Osama!”

Skeptics believe that the new tape released by Osama Bin Laden is a fake, especially because every time he refers to Obama he mistakes his name for Osama.

Obama
A car that President-elect Barack Obama drove before winning the White House is being auctioned off on eBay. The breaks of the car are probably in really bad condition, because before Obama won the primaries he was pulled over by cops every time he drove it.

Charles Barkley
Charles Barkley may lose his deal with T-Mobile due to his recent DUI. Apparently, executives checked the Fav 5 on his phone and discovered that three of them were Julio, Jose and Jack... Don Julio, Jose Cuervo and Jack Daniels...

American Idol
During the first American Idol show, Ryan Seacrest tried to high-five a blind contestant. Apparently, he was still confused after producers forced him to kiss a hot contestant in a bikini.

An American Idol contestant showed up wearing a bikini and kissed Ryan Seacrest. Very feminine, a lot of make- up, really sexy... and the woman in the bikini too…