January 19th 2009

Obama’s Inauguration
District and federal officials in Washington DC are preparing for as many as 4 million people for the inauguration of President-elect Barack Obama. Actually, most of the 4 million don't care much about Obama, they just want to make sure Bush is leaving.

Organizers of Obama’s inauguration have everything ready for Tuesday. Security is tight, information booth are ready, they even prepared the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool in case a US Airways flight wants to land there.

More than 800 buses drove people to Washington DC for the inauguration of President-elect Barack Obama. But just because after the accident with US Airways nobody dares take a plane anymore.

Washington, D.C.-area cosmetic dermatologists and skin experts say that, despite the sagging economy, requests for quickie cosmetic fixes, such as Botox, have almost tripled. It was just Nancy Pelosi getting ready for Obama’s Inauguration.

Washington, D.C.-area cosmetic dermatologists and skin experts say that, despite the sagging economy, requests for quickie cosmetic fixes, such as Botox, have almost tripled in preparation for inaugural fetes. Apparently, people misunderstood Obama’s message of change…

Washington, D.C.-area cosmetic dermatologists and skin experts say that, despite the sagging economy, requests for quickie cosmetic fixes, such as Botox, have almost tripled. It was actually Obama trying to look more centrist.

A French man broke the world record for the longest speech after rambling nonstop for 124 hours about Spanish painter Salvador Dali, Catalan culture and other topics. The new record won’t last long as Joe Biden is expected to break it with his speech at Obama’s inauguration.

Only 5,000 portable toilets will be available at the presidential inauguration day despite the fact that more than 4,000,000 are expected to attend the event. 5000 toilets for 4,000,000 people? Whats the problem, said Larry Craig, we can all share...


US Airways
Some New York residents believed they have spotted sharks in the Hudson River. Actually they were lawyers trying to find the engines of the U.S. Airways plane first so they can sue the airline.

After the accident of US Airways Flight 1549, executives of the company decided a little change in the name. US Airwaves.

Scientists spotted methane and water in Mars. Today, US Airways announced they are going to be flying to Mars soon.

I finally understood why they don’t let you board a plane with water. It’s because they know you are going to have plenty after the landing.

According to the Federal Aviation Administration, a flock of birds brought down US Airways Flight 1549. Today, the Bush administration has classified them as Terrobirds…

According to the Federal Aviation Administration, a flock of Canadian Geese brought down US Airways Flight 1549. Today, Cheney called the press and declared war to Canada.

I boarded a US Airways flight yesterday. It is getting more and more expensive. They charged me $1 for the headphones, $2 for the pillows, and 10$ for goggles and swimming fins.

Other Jokes
One of the contestants of American Idol, who was arrested for DUI in West Hollywood back in July, might be forced to wear an alcohol-monitoring bracelet on her ankle. That could hurt her chances to get airtime, because you know that the bracelet will go off every time the contestant gets close to Paula Abdul.

A new sleeper virus has hurt important companies and has now spread to more than eight million computers affecting all 6 employees.

It is so cold lately that Republicans will attend Obama’s inauguration just to be among millions of people and catch some warmth.

It is so cold that the reason why the geese got stuck in the engines of the US Airways flight was because they were wearing scarves.

According to political analysts, President-elect Barack Obama is preparing to prohibit the use of harsh interrogation techniques, especially now that his mother-in-law is going to live with him in the White House.

The U.S. may overtake Italy as the world's biggest wine drinker by 2012, especially if Sarah Palin decides to run for office.

A&E aired a new scripted series called “The Beast”, and no, Mickey Rourke is not starring in it.