January 21st 2009

Chief Justice John G. Roberts Jr., swearing in a new president for the first time, had problems with the word “faithfully” during the presidential oath. “Don’t worry about it”, said Bill Clinton, “I had problems with that word before too...”

Barack Obama treated Oprah Winfrey to a private dinner before the inauguration. No wonder it was the most expensive inauguration of all times!

Cat Stevens is releasing a new album; it will feature appearances by Paul McCartney, Dolly Parton and Bin Laden...

Before leaving office, President Bush only commuted two sentences but didn't pardon anybody. And today his approval rating went from 26% to only two people.

Barack Obama is officially the president of the United States. He has started discriminating against white people right away, especially when he announced a 500% tax on sun block.

Chief Justice John Roberts made a mistake during the presidential oath because he said the words in the wrong order. That wasn’t the only error. Apparently, few people noticed that he called Obama “Osama.”

Following the inauguration of Barack Obama, Bush and his wife Laura boarded a helicopter alongside the U.S. Capitol. It looked suspicious to everybody that organizers decided to release doves just when the helicopter was taking off.

Nearly two million people attended the inauguration of Barack Obama yesterday, which makes it the largest public gathering ever in the nation's capital. You have to give some credit to Bush; if it wasn’t that most people are unemployed, they wouldn’t have been able to go there.

Two 8-year-old boys protected a woman from a gunman that threatened to kill her, by beating the person with baseball bats. I’m not trying to ruin the story, but actually the kids beat the man because he stepped on their Legos...

A man in England plans to marry his fiancée, who recently died in a car accident. Let the guy have his wedding, but please someone stop the honeymoon!

Barack Obama held an open house at the White House his first full day in office. And today there are hundreds of squatters that lost their homes due to foreclosure living there.

Tom Cruise is seriously considering turning last week's Hudson River plane crash into a blockbuster movie. Cruise is known for crashes; have you seen his latest movie?

British tabloids say that Britney Spears is getting $14 million to write her autobiography. It looks like a lot, but it is actually 10$ for an autobiography of each of her personalities.