January 26th 2009

Amy Winehouse’s husband is asking for half of her money in their divorce settlement. Most people think he is out of line. And that’s precisely why he wants so much money, because he is out of lines…

Amy Winehouse’s husband is asking for half of her money in their divorce settlement claiming he was the inspiring muse of her successful first album. In that case, the other half should go to heroin and crack.

Nancy Pelosi said during the weekend that birth control pills will eventually save the economy. She might be right, especially if we give them to anybody in the Bush family.

Governor Rod Blagojevich said he’s like Ghandi. I knew that was a wig!

A bakery in Greenwich Village was selling Drunken Negro Face Cookies, but stopped when the media reported about it. I guess Michael Richards will have to drink his tea with scones now.

A bakery in Greenwich Village was selling Drunken Negro Face Cookies. Apparently, they were just catering for Fox News.

A company called Terrafugia is selling the world’s first flying car. Actually, it is not such a big deal anymore since U.S. Airways came up with the plane that drives in water.

A company called Terrafugia is selling the world’s first flying car. “But how do you change a flat tire in midair?” asked Jessica Simpson…

Experts are questioning the National Park Service report that 1.8 million people attended the inauguration of President Obama and believe it was just about 1.5 million. Apparently, it seemed way more people because of the presence of Al Gore, Michael Moore, and Oprah in the crowd.

Former President Bush will receive a lucrative pension of nearly $197,000 this year. But don’t get mad; if he manages his money like he managed the economy of the country, he’ll be out of it in a month.

A plumber rescued a $70,000 wedding ring that a woman dropped in a restaurant toilet and flushed it away unintentionally. Unfortunately, she was forced to pawn it later to pay the plumber’s fees.

House Republican leaders presented President Barack Obama on Friday with proposals to stimulate the economy that included heavy tax cuts on low-income people. They are sticking up for their friends that left the White House because most of them will only find jobs flipping burgers.
Some conservative pundits are questioning the second presidential oath Obama had on Thursday because he didn’t lay his hands on a Bible. According to Obama’s staffers, everything is legal because he laid his hands on his autobiography which is almost the same.

Some pharmaceutical companies are working on a memory pill that will soon be available over the counter. It won’t work; who in their right minds would want to remember anything that happened in the last 8 years?

130 tons of garbage was hauled away from the Presidential Inauguration. It could have been way more, but fortunately, congress was not in session.

Despite the Republican National Committee's promise to donate Sarah Palin's $180,000 campaign wardrobe to charity, word has it the Alaska governor's clothes remain stuffed in trash bags at the RNC headquarters. Not only the clothes are in the trash bags, there’s also her daughter’s purity ring.

According to a new survey, 26% of the people believe Obama should model himself after Ronald Reagan, 17% after JFK and 100% of gays who saw the shirtless pictures of Obama believe he should model.

Heather Mills is charging up to $102,000 a time as an after-dinner speaker. Apparently, people are willing to pay that and even more so she doesn’t speak.