January 28th 2009

According to a new survey, one in three workers admits they pretended to be sick in the last year. The other two pretended they had a job.

Paul McCartney is close to marrying his current girlfriend, Nancy Shevell. You know that Heather Mills is hopping ... the wedding sucks…

Rush Limbaugh told his audience that he’s not going to bend over and grab his ankles just because Obama is black. Come on Rush, even if we elected the whitest, richest person in the world, you wouldn’t be able to bend over and grab your ankles.

A new study finds that it takes humans 30% longer to lie than to tell the truth. Why do you think political speeches are so long?

A Representative from New York introduced a bill called the Camera Phone Predator Alert Act into Congress. The bill states that all camera phones should be required to make a "tone or other sound audible within a reasonable radius of the phone". Apparently, he and his political friends are tired of getting caught taking bribes.

A Representative from New York introduced a bill called the Camera Phone Predator Alert Act into Congress. The bill states that all camera phones should be required to make a "tone or other sound audible within a reasonable radius of the phone". It’s just a favor to Gov. Patterson that never hears the camera and so, is never smiling in the pictures.

A Representative from New York introduced a bill called the Camera Phone Predator Alert Act into Congress. The bill states that all camera phones should be required to make a "tone or other sound audible within a reasonable radius of the phone". Apparently, he wants the sound of a coin dropping, so when you bend over to pick it up, he gets your best angle.

Mexico's central bank says that the amount of money migrants sent home fell 3.6 percent in 2008, the first drop on record. Apparently, now family members are coming to the States to pick the money themselves.

A woman gave birth to eight babies in Southern California on Monday. The doctor only expected seven, so you can guess his reaction when Osama Bin Laden popped up last.

During a speech in a forum, Bush senior told the story of when he ran into “one of the ugliest, angriest women he had ever seen who screamed at him ‘stay out of my womb!’ to what he replied ‘no problem.’ Unfortunately, Barbara later seduced him and that is how George W was born.

Republican congressmen said that it doesn’t make any sense to include hundreds of millions of dollars on contraceptives in the stimulus package. Of course, for them it’s easy; they are so old that they don’t need contraceptives any more…

President Obama gave an interview to Arab TV network Al-Arabiya. Ironically, he was referred as Hussein more often in Fox news than during that interview.

The coach of a Texas high school basketball team that beat another team 100-0 was fired Sunday. And now none of the NBA coaches dares play the Oklahoma Thunders.

Iraq's black population hopes that Barack Obama marks a turning point for them, too. Apparently, they are tired of seating at the back of the camel.

According to a study, children are 43% more likely to be hit by a car while crossing the street when they're talking on a cell phone. And 100% are more likely to get hit if the one that’s driving the car is also on their cell phones.

The Post Office has decided to suspend some deliveries to Rockport Massachusetts after a mail carrier was repeatedly attacked by some turkeys. Apparently, the mail carrier will go back to the same route armed this time with a picture of Sarah Palin.