February 11th 2009

During Obama’s Town Hall meeting in Florida, a 19-year-old student told Obama he’s been working in McDonalds for 4 years but dreams of being a broadcaster. Today, McDonalds made his dream come true and assigned him to the intercom to take orders.

A combined 49.5 million people tuned in for President Obama’s first press conference Monday night. The number was high; apparently, unemployment offices had the TV on.

The New York Times says that a lot of women are having dreams about having sex with President Obama... a lot of women and all the men that work for MSNBC.

Singer Rhianna cancelled her 21st birthday party. Not to worry; she had her birthday bash on Saturday night.

Singer Rhianna cancelled her 21st birthday party. Apparently, they had a birthday pre-party and Chris Brown used her as a piñata.

Border Patrol reported Friday that its Texas border fence is only seventy miles from completion. It’s going to be hard to finish it though; the illegals that were building it decided to go back to Mexico.

Muzak Holdings has filed for bankruptcy. They should have seen it coming, especially when Obama said he was going to abolish torture.

Muzak Holdings has filed for bankruptcy. The news is going to be devastating for all the easy-listening musicians. Don’t worry; you’ll still be able to hear Kenny G on the phone, but because he’ll be forced to work as a telemarketer.

A porn-star/stripper lady in Louisiana known as drafty storm is running for a senate position against Senator David Vitter. The debates will be broadcast in Double C-Span.

A woman who ran an escort service servicing Wall Street gave an interview to ABC and said that some of the banks CEO’s were her clients. I don’t believe her, why would the banker pay to have sex if they have been screwing the country for free for years?

The Video game Guitar Hero is considering severing their ties with Alex Rodriguez after the steroids issue, because a game that plays music from heroin, cocaine and marihuana addicts can’t afford to stain its reputation.

The rumors continue about Michelle Obama being pregnant. Apparently, Obama gave her a baby bump this time.

The CEO's of eight banks that got billions from the government's bailout program arrived today in congress to discuss what they did with the money. I know they want to prove they are not over spending, but to arrive on bicycles and with a bag on a stick instead of a briefcase was too much.

Teens spend an average of 87 hours a year looking at online porno. And adults, way more than that looking at teens on the web.

Several members of an extremist Hindu group called Sri Ram Sena attacked and beat a group of women in Mangalore, India because they were hanging out at a bar. Today, they were signed by Def Jam Records.

According to a survey, 57% of people feel that being in a relationship makes it harder to stay slim, especially if you’re Tony Romo and you’re dating Jessica Simpson.

According to a study, nearly half of all Americans believe that sex helps take their mind off of problems. For the other half, their problem is sex.

R&B singer Chris Brown has pulled out of all of the events surrounding the NBA All Star game after being arrested and accused of assault. Organizers were concerned with the event schedule, because they would have wasted too much time with all the NBA players congratulating and high-fiving him.