February 2nd 2009

Punxsutawney Phil, the world's most famous groundhog, has seen his shadow which means the winter will last for six more weeks. Unfortunately Punxsutawney Phil won’t be able to see if he was right, because a mob of hungry people affected by the bad economy ate it.

Like every February 2nd, Punxsutawney Phil was pulled from its stump by members of the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club Inner Circle. Unfortunately, this time it wasn’t to predict the length of the winter; Punxsutawney Phil was just another victim of foreclosure.

Olympic Champion Michael Phelps was photographed by a British newspaper smoking from a bong. No wonder he eats 12,000 calories a day.

Olympic Champion Michael Phelps was photographed by a British newspaper smoking from a bong. He claims it was not marijuana; it was seaweed.

Olympic Champion Michael Phelps was photographed by a British newspaper smoking from a bong. Now we know why he is so fast. When he hears the gunshot before the competitions, he swims fast thinking it is the police.

Barack Obama's Kenyan half-brother George has been arrested by police in Nairobi on charges of possession of marijuana. Apparently, there’s a tendency for Georges to try to screw Obama.

Barack Obama's Kenyan half-brother George has been arrested by police in Nairobi on charges of possession of marijuana. It seems like a tradition that high ranked politicians have a brother than taints their names. Bill Clinton had his brother Roger, Jimmy Carter and his brother Billy, and Jeb his brother George

Barack Obama has been photographed mistaking a window for a door as he tried to enter the White House. He claimed he just saw Bill doing it so many times when he was president that he thought it was ok.

The Obama’s family is the cover of the latest edition of US weekly, but you cannot see the president because he’s covered by a picture of Jessica Simpson. To be fair with the magazine, they posted the picture in the back cover, but she is so big now that the picture takes part of the front as well.

A California baby was born with six fingers on each hand and six toes on each foot. His parents were really worried, not because of his health, but they are already thinking of how much money they’ll spend on his future texting bills.

A California baby was born with six fingers on each hand and six toes on each foot. Today President Bush regretted the kid wasn’t born before so he could have put him in charge if our economy.

A captive reptile has unexpectedly become a father at the ripe old age of 111. Unfortunately, he couldn’t see the birth of the baby because he was on tour with Mick, Charlie and Ronnie.

The Republican Party chose its first black national chairman Friday: Michael Steele. The only other one they have close to a black was Mitt Romney after a tanning session.

White House lawyers want to control the commercial use of the president’s image. Apparently, they are tired of more and more people claiming Obama’s face has shown up in their toasts.

White House lawyers are concerned with the commercial use of Obama’s campaign slogan “Yes we can”. Apparently, most of the companies that are laying off people are using it to say “Yes You’re Canned”

White House lawyers want to control the commercial use of the president’s image. Even the KKK is using Obama’s face to try to recruit more members.

Dick Cheney celebrated his birthday on Friday. He blew the candles of the cake, one by one with a 45 caliber.