February 16th 2009

Chris Brown changed his FaceBook status to "single" after the altercation with Rhianna. So, ladies, there you go…
That wasn’t the only part of the profile he changed. Where he lists his records, it now says “Battery and assault.”

According to a Dutch study published on Sunday, a widely available blood pressure pill could one day help people erase bad memories. The scientists claimed they have been testing the pills successfully on Republicans who apparently have forgotten who had been in power for the last 8 years.

A 13-year-old boy has become a father in England. It was pretty uncomfortable when the doctor slapped the father during the delivery thinking it was the baby that has just been born

A 13-year-old boy has become a father in England. Unfortunately, the father couldn’t be in the delivery room; apparently, he needed to retake a test for the sex-ed class he had failed.

The 13 year-old kid who became a father in England has reportedly demanded a DNA test to prove he really is a father after two other teenagers are said to have claimed they had slept with his girlfriend. I think Maury Popvich hit a double whammy here: slut teens and DNA test in one show.

George W. Bush will give his first post-presidency speech in Canada. He’s been preparing himself hard to hit the lecture circuit; he’s hired the best boxers to improve his reflexes to dodge shoes.

Researchers say that animals can actually plan for the future. Apparently, most animals sold all their stocks in 2006.

High school cheerleaders in Visalia, California, will have to submit to random drug tests. R. Kelly has offered his help to take the urine samples.

High school cheerleaders in Visalia, California, will have to submit random urine tests to prove they are not taking enhancing drugs, and also because Football players need to know which ones have no diseases.

Washington Governor Christine Gregoire was called for jury duty. Politicians never get be part of the jury; most of the time they get excluded because they know all the criminals.

Rapper M.I.A. gave birth to a baby boy last week. Apparently, the delivery had some complications: The baby didn't want to leave the womb because he was too embarrassed after what his mom wore at the Grammys.

Obama treated his wife Michelle to a Valentine's Day dinner at the upscale Table Fifty-Two, a restaurant in Chicago that is in high demand. Obama got the best seats of the place; well he didn’t, actually, Rod Blagojevich got them for him.

Obama and his wife Michelle were spotted leaving upscale Table Fifty-Two, a restaurant in Chicago, with the first lady toting what appeared to be a doggie bag. “Liar, liar,” screamed Rush Limbaugh and other Republicans, “Obama doesn’t even have a dog yet!”

Today is President's Day. Or as John McCain calls it, Monday.

George Bush was upset today, on President’s day. He was really mad and asked Laura, when is it going to be “Former President’s” day?

According to a leading expert, Psychologist Dr Lisa Turner, having frequent orgasms helps women in their professional lives, especially if you have the orgasms while doing it with your boss.

According to a leading expert, Psychologist Dr Lisa Turner, women who have frequent orgasms have an easier time concentrating. It is usually the other way around. Women who concentrate better have easier orgasms, because they can concentrate and think of Brad Pitt while doing it with their husbands.

A CVS Pharmacy in Dorchester, Massachusetts has been locking up its condoms in order to prevent shoplifting. Unfortunately, now they will be forced to lock the STD medicines and the pregnancy tests.

A CVS Pharmacy in Dorchester, Massachusetts has been locking up its condoms after a lot of people, who are too shy to ask for them, steal them. I admit; I did it a couple of times. I really get embarrassed when I have to ask for the extra-super-gigantic-large size condom.