February 17th 2009

Nuclear submarines from Britain and France collided deep in the Atlantic Ocean this month, authorities said Monday. Apparently the accident occurred when the two submarines tried to avoid hitting a US airwaves plane that landed in the ocean.

Sam Donaldson, the famous and long time ABC reporter, is retiring from full-time work next week. According to the Network, his wig will continue working full time for another couple of years.

According to a recent survey of 11-year-olds:--nine in ten have heard their parents swear. The other one hasn’t been present yet when their parents checked their 401 K.

According to a recent survey the average 11-year-old hears his or her parents curse six times a week. Or every 2 minutes if you are Christian Bale’s son.

IHOP has brought back their all-you-can-eat pancakes promotion. The chosen time was no coincidence; experts know that by now most of the “I’m-going-to-lose-weight resolutions” are broken.

The economy is so bad; Miley Cyrus cut Billy Ray’s weekly allowance.

According to a recent survey, 78% of Americans say the economic crisis hasn't affected the amount of sex they're getting. The other 22% has sex.

The Jonas brothers told Britain's "Teen Now" magazine that the purity rings they wear don't mean they need to remain virgins until they're married. Today, Madonna sent the three of them a belated Valentine's Day card.

Today Obama signed the stimulus package. Republicans continue to say how big the package is, they haven’t seen anything yet, wait until it gets aroused.

According to a recent survey 66% of men and 58% of women say they're satisfied with their sex life. The rest have no extra marital affairs.

According to the government, the average age for a first marriage is 30 for women and 31 for men. Unfortunately, the average for divorce is 30 and half for women and 31 and a half for men.

A South Carolina sheriff says there will be no charges filed against swimmer Michael Phelps following the marijuana pipe photo. Michael Phelps was relieved and said that if they ever needed a urine sample for a drug test, they could always go the pool where he trains.

Police officials in New York say they'll test the use of Velcro handcuffs on out-of-control children in 22 schools in the city borough of Queens. “No need,” said some of the teachers; “we tested the regular handcuffs on some of them and they worked just fine.”

According to a survey conducted by the cable channel C-SPAN, former President George W. Bush was ranked 36th out of the 42 men who had been chief executive. He could have done much worse, but historians took into consideration all of his vacation time.

New York's governor, David Paterson has proposed a new 4% tax on all pornographic movie downloads. Why?? Said Bill, just when Hillary left for Asia .

New York's governor, David Paterson has proposed a new 4% tax on all pornographic movie downloads. Of course, it is easy for him, he can’t see them. To make it fair, why don’t we tax 1-900 calls as well?