March 23rd 2010

During an interview with ESPN, Tiger Woods said he expects to get a few claps when he plays in the Masters. Apparently, he was talking about the kind of claps he is going to get from some of the waitresses in Augusta.

During an interview with ESPN, Tiger Woods said he’s done very ugly things. Actually, only one, the pancake waitress at Perkins in Orlando.

During an interview with ESPN, Tiger Woods said he hurt a lot of people. I know some of his mistresses have said you are well endowed, but come on Tiger, I think you’re exaggerating a little.

PGA officials said that fans will receive Tiger at the Masters with open arms… and waitresses with open legs.

The House of Representatives passed the healthcare reform bill last night. It gives unemployed people the chance to have health care. Now you understand why Democrats were fighting so much for it, because most of them will be unemployed after the elections in November.

The House of Representatives passed the healthcare reform bill last night. All Democrats fought really hard for it, mostly because they are hoping Rush Limbaugh makes his promise good and leaves the country.

Scientists at the Hebrew University of Jerusalem have created "super-sexed" sterilized male leafhoppers to have sex with female bugs and avoid the birth of more bugs. If this system works, the scientist will try it on humans like Octomom and Kate Gosselin.

Scientists at the Hebrew University of Jerusalem have created "super-sexed" sterilized male leafhoppers to have sex with female bugs to avoid the birth of more bugs. They call the male leafhoppers “Tiger”!

Police in New Jersey arrested a 16-year-old boy for using the intercom to tell "all blacks" to leave a Wal-Mart store. The kid was mad not only because he went to jail but also because he missed the chance to scream the same the next day at a Tea Party rally in Washington DC.

An L.A. sushi restaurant that was charged with serving endangered whale meat is closing. If we’re going to start shutting down everyplace that serves whales in America we have to close every fast food restaurant.

According to a new report, the number of plastic surgeries in the U.S. is in decline. Apparently, women in Hollywood figured now that no matter what they look like their husbands will still cheat on them.

Universal is planning to lower CD prices to $10. And that’s still $10 more than what people pay for music nowadays.

Democrats passed the Health Care reform Bill Sunday. To celebrate I got wasted and drove home drunk feeling safe knowing that we all have health care.

There’s a new 10% tax on indoor tanning services. That’s going to make some of the members of Jersey Shore go pale!

A middle school in Oregon banned hugs among students because some of the girls were using them to get the boys aroused. Now the students can continue to use the hugs, but only with their teachers.

Friday was the seventh anniversary of the Iraq invasion. Dick Cheney threw a party and for a moment he was very happy because at least he could blow something, the candles.

The director of the Disney movie “Pirates of the Caribbean” film said producers won’t hire actresses with breast implants. Who’s the lucky guy that gets the job of checking?